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Marriage

Marriage

8 Challenges Every Marriage Will Face

I have seen many newlyweds start their lives together under the blissful delusion that they will never face any problems in their marriage. Unfortunately, that is never the case, and not having a realistic view can lead married couples to feel disillusioned and disappointed. Marriage is one of the most wonderful and fulfilling things in the world, but it’s SO important to discuss the realities of married life and understand that all marriages go through seasons, some of them good and others not so good. If couples are aware that a marriage challenge can and will arise, they can prepare to face and overcome them together. So in this podcast, Mark and I share 8 challenges every marriage will face and how to work through them as a team. 8 Marriage Challenges Finances Raising Teens Communication Busyness Disappointment Sex Temptation Discontentment Mark and I have faced all of these at various times in our marriage, but one area we have really had to watch out for is busyness. I had hoped we wouldn’t have to deal with that at this point in our lives since it was such an issue to work through during the hectic years of child-rearing. But …

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Marriage

Why Spouses Don’t Listen and What You Can Do About It

Are you a good listener? If so, I applaud you. I have to admit that the skill of listening well does not come naturally to me. I’m a gifted talker! I enjoy sharing what’s on my heart and speaking what’s on my mind, which has its place, but listening? That can be hard for me. We all know that communication is absolutely critical in the marriage relationship. Without effective communication, marriages can quickly tear apart. My very talkative husband and I have had to work on this a lot over the years. We both have so many important things to say, especially in emotional or heated moments, and we can forget that listening is a necessary component of communication! Here’s my problem: Mark is ridiculously smart, and he’s awesome at speaking logically and persuasively. Guess that’s what I should have expected when I married a lawyer! Sometimes, I feel like I need a little extra time to figure out how to make my point of view sound just as compelling as his, so I stop listening to what he’s saying and focus on what I want to say next to counter his point. When I do that, I may miss …

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Marriage

10 Ways to Flirt with Your Husband

Do you remember the first days of your relationship with your spouse? If you were like me, your heart would flutter at a meaningful glance, flirtatious comment, or in my case, the handsomest guy I had ever met knocking on my door holding Belgian chocolate chip ice cream and asking if he could pray with me! After years of marriage, kids, demanding jobs, and hectic schedules, those fluttery feelings are distant memories. That doesn’t mean we can’t be romantic, it just means in our distraction we put it down and we need to pick it up where we left off. One night as my husband, Mark, and I were driving home, I was feeling a little romantic. He was driving which gave me total music control, so I decided to play him a Tony Bennett song that we love. So crazy how one little switch on a playlist can change a boring car ride into a fun (or funny if you could see us singing) and romantic sing-along serenade. I’ve come to realize that one of the best parts of being married is always having someone to flirt with because at the end of the day, flirting is simply turning the …

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Marriage

I Vow to Take the Love Challenge

February is here! January was focused on setting goals for work, but now that that’s done, it’s time to set goals for the truly important things in life – my family. February is the month we celebrate love because of Valentine’s day, and we certainly are all about love in the Merrill home—Megan is getting married! I know a sweet sadness is waiting for me. There will be sweetness in the celebration of my oldest daughter, and sadness in her leaving home. With Megan’s wedding foremost on my mind, I’ve been reflecting on two things: 1. how much I appreciate my own marriage to Mark for 26 years and 2. the preciousness of the time I have left with Megan. So I’m devoting February to being intentional, with two people I love, in particular, Megan and Mark. With Megan I am going to do something sentimental. You see, Megan was the inspiration for Pillow Talk Conversation Starters on iMOM.com. It is a sweet story, she was my oldest and I had two other little ones. I became convicted that I was so busy putting the others to bed I was neglecting her. So I started writing a question to her in a journal. She would …

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Marriage

How to Keep Your Marriage on Track When Life Derails You

I don’t know about you, but when I got married, I had a few expectations of the way things were going to be. Mark and I had plans and goals, and we were blissfully on board our marriage train to chase our dreams. But like every other couple, we learned pretty quickly that life can derail you in an instant! An unexpected pregnancy, a job change, financial struggles, sickness, any number of things can swiftly change the plans you thought you had. Then we had to ask ourselves, “now what?” What do we do now, when our carefully made plans are falling apart? When I’m in the hospital for the umpteenth time, when the house floods, when we don’t feel like we’re on the same page anymore? How do you keep your marriage on track? In this podcast, Mark and I share with you three ways to respond when life derails you: Know That You Will Get Knocked off the Track. How to Respond to Getting Knocked off the Track. How to Lay New Track Together. Anyone who’s been married for awhile knows that getting knocked off the track happens. Responding is a little trickier. In June of 2011, our house flooded. …

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Marriage

Marriage Killers and How to Slay Them

Early on in our marriage, our biggest issue was criticism. Mark thought it would be very helpful of him to point out all of the ways I could do things better, more like him. He is now quick to admit that he tends to have a bit of a critical attitude, but he didn’t realize it at the time. He honestly thought he was just helping me! But as someone who needs affirmation and thrives on compliments, I interpreted his “helpfulness” as constant criticism. His efforts to “improve me” and his idea of how I needed to improve changed from week to week. As a pleaser, unable to please him, I became very discouraged. Over time, I began to despair that I would never meet his expectations and almost gave up trying. It took several years of this before we went to a marriage counselor. She opened Mark’s eyes to the fact that what attracted him to me was that I was different. I was the fun, creative, light-hearted balance to his serious, disciplined, determined personality. And that the woman he was trying to make me was not what he needed, nor wanted! When marriages fall apart, people tend to …

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Marriage

4 Common Mistakes Husbands and Wives Make in Marriage

Guess what? There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage! No matter how great a relationship may look on the outside, every couple has struggles because every person makes mistakes. If you’ve read many of my blog posts, you know that Mark and I have made our share of mistakes. Instead of making excuses for our behavior, we have tried to learn from what we’ve done wrong so we can grow as a couple. Our marriage isn’t perfect, but we are always looking for ways to love each other better. A foundational step we have taken for a strong marriage is acknowledging the mistakes we do make and resolving to avoid them in the future. Over the years we have discovered several common mistakes that husbands and wives (including us!) make in marriage: not putting your spouse before your kids, not respecting your spouse, not confiding in your spouse, and not being intimate with your spouse. In this podcast, Mark and I discuss these common problems to help you identify potential issues in your marriage. As a mom, I can tell you that I’ve sometimes struggled with the first mistake by not putting Mark before the kids. We have five absolutely …

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Marriage

3 A’s for an Awesome Marriage

Join me on Periscope tonight at 9:00 pm EST to discuss: Will Your Child Stand for What They Know is Right? I recently posted a video of me and my friend Lesley doing a Periscope session where we talked about the 3 R’s of discipline. Today, I have 3 more letters on my mind to share with you: 3 A’s for an awesome marriage! I am sure that every married person who is reading this post wants an awesome marriage. Many of you already have that, others are striving for it. Often, what can get in the way of an awesome marriage is something very simple: We focus on what our spouse should be doing instead of noticing what they’re doing well or recognizing our own shortcomings. I’ll be honest with you, it’s easier to look at Mark and hone in on his flaws than to accept my own mistakes. It’s especially easy when I’m making excuses for my own poor behavior because I’m tired or overworked or think that he doesn’t appreciate me enough! In this podcast, Mark and I talk about turning your attention to yourself and asking how YOU can be a better spouse. An awesome marriage …

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Marriage

Are You Encouraging Your Spouse to Cheat?

Last month, countless lives were turned upside down when hackers posted the personal information of an alleged 32 million users of Ashley Madison, an online service that promotes and facilitates adultery. The website’s slogan reads, “Life is short. Have an affair.” The site claimed to have 39 million members and much was discussed in the news about the men who were found on the list. But I also couldn’t help wondering, who are the women having affairs with these men? What would lead so many people, men and women, to so actively seek an affair? Why are we more prone than ever before to wander in our marriages to the point that we actively seek ways to secretly cheat? One potential problem area in our marriage is not listening. I have been told that I like to talk, and maybe I have been blessed (ahem) with the gift of gab. And since my husband also has that gift, we tend to interrupt each other frequently and sometimes struggle to truly listen to what the other person is saying because we’re thinking about what we want to say next. Unfortunately, that can lead to both of us feeling like the other …

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Marriage

How to Be Spontaneous in Your Marriage

Once upon a time, I was spontaneous and fun. In fact, my husband would say it was one of the characteristics that attracted me to him. I was ready to go anywhere at a moment’s notice. I was always looking for a chance to be creative and romantic. Constantly, I was surprising Mark with impromptu scavenger hunts and silly poems. I was full of energy and ideas. But then what always seems to happen…happened. Life caught up with me. We had kids, and our schedules got busier and busier–and all creativity was devoted to school projects, homecoming floats, organizing football fundraisers and choreographing choral numbers. I ran out of the energy for the spontaneity that is so important for keeping the passion alive in marriage. Mark noticed. In fact, he came to me about it—more than once. I didn’t receive his comments. Instead, I rejected his feelings of neglect with well-justified excuses that everything I was doing was for OUR children. I was wrong. Our marriage is the most important relationship I have in the world. I made a covenant to love and care for my husband when I married him. Yes, my children are important. I brought them into …

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