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Marriage

5 Kinds of Compliments Your Husband Needs

Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” I think this is especially true in marriage. When you are knee deep in children and half of them have the throw-up bug and a toilet just overflowed, a good, honest compliment from the one who sees the dark, weary circles under your eyes will get you through the battle. A sincere, timely compliment can be a powerful difference maker for days. It’s not easy, this crazy busy life. Encouragement can make it sweeter. We only have so many days and opportunities to say something to compliment our husbands. And compliments for men, or at least for most men, don’t have to be complicated. In fact, there are basically five kinds of compliments for men that your husband needs to hear. Relationship skills: Compliment how he treats you and others. This type of compliment starts with observing your husband. Note when he shows uncommon kindness, generosity, courtesy, or patience with you or anyone. Say something like “I really admire how kind you were to the people in that crazy, crowded store.” Or “You are really good at making me feel supported.” Parenting skills: Compliment the way he handles your …

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Marriage

What Not to Say to Your Husband During a Fight

Mark and I can definitely argue. He’s an attorney by trade, and I’m half Italian! When we argue with our husbands, there is a point at which we cross a line and toxic words push an argument to a fight. We usually go to these statements as a defense mechanism. For example, you’re in the argument and you feel like you’re losing. You don’t want to lose so you resort to one of these statements. Or you’re just furious and you want to hurt your husband. So think about when it is that you use these things we shouldn’t say during a fight. “You’re such a ______.” When you call your husband a name, you’re basically getting off topic and trying to defend yourself by hurting him. It’s never good to get personal during a fight. “Well, at least ____” We do this when we’re trying to turn the fight away from the main issue at hand. We want to defend ourself by saying what we do right, “Well, at least I don’t run up our credit card bill like you do.” “I don’t care.” I don’t care can be taken out of context and stick in your husband’s head …

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Marriage

Where in the World Did I Put My Soulmate?

A better question is what in the world is a soulmate? Maybe you can’t tell it, but I am so annoyed with this fictional excuse to leave your spouse! Somehow, using the word “soul” provides an excuse for some people to do whatever they want—justifying their decision as if it were for some higher purpose. “I found my soulmate.” Spoken as if there can be no argument with their conclusion because it is mystical or spiritual. I will be very honest with you. I have five children. The fact is that I have more in common with a couple of them. Do I look at the others and say, “Sorry! Go find another mommy because you are not my soul child.” Absolutely not! I love ALL my children. Your husband is your soulmate or rather your sole mate. If YOU married him, then he is it. Don’t waste time and energy looking for the guy you think will fulfill all of your emotional, romantic, and spiritual needs — he does not exist. Here’s another way to think about getting our mindset on our husband as our one and only — our sole mate. Can you buy a pair of shoes, …

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Marriage

7 Truths about Marriage and Making it Last

Years ago, Mark and I were having a pretty serious argument. We were both very frustrated. I could tell Mark was getting discouraged as he realized that we were not going to resolve things quickly. So I said, “You know what, honey, we’re in this marriage for life and we will work this out, even if it takes a while.” Taking the long view is one of the truths about marriage. That’s why in our new books, Lists to Love By for Busy Wives and Lists to Love By for Busy Husbands, the first chapter addresses these 7 truths. It’s a foundational chapter that paves the way for the other lists, all of which help you love well. But even on their own, these 7 truths about marriage can help you have the perspective you need to steady and strengthen your relationship. And a strong relationship is key to making a marriage last. 1. Marriage is not a quick sprint; it’s a lifelong marathon. When you’re trying to break bad habits and form good ones, it can take a while. So stay focused on improvements, even if they come mixed with slip-ups. 2. Marriage is not a 50/50 partnership; it’s …

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Marriage

What’s the Love Code in Your House?

What in the world do I mean when I say “love code”? It’s a kind of code that forms from observations you made growing up. The code can be influenced by your parent’s marriage or another relationship you admired throughout your childhood. What you observed can subconsciously – or perhaps consciously – influence how you relate to your husband or children. When Mark and I got married we brought very different love codes into our new life together. In my Irish, Italian family, if you were upset with someone it was loving to talk about it in the moment — passionately. In Mark’s more reserved family, the loving thing to do was to talk about it later at a meeting where many issues would be resolved at one time. My love code with Mark was out there and expressive — “I adore you!” or “I’m frustrated with you.” Mark’s was more like, “we need to discuss something; I will need one hour on your calendar.” I knew he loved me but he didn’t always express it openly. In our disagreements, I would get frustrated about something and he didn’t want to discuss it. Then, when he was ready to talk about …

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Marriage

Bad Attitude: Is It Killing Your Marriage?

Can a bad attitude really kill your marriage? Yes! Attitude affects the way we communicate with our husband; so if our attitude toward him is negative, that’s how we’ll sound when we’re talking with him. Mark and I work together every day which makes having a loving attitude really hard. One day when I was out with our daughter Emily running errands, I called Mark from the car. He answered the phone with, “Ya, what do you need?” Well, I had him on blue tooth and Emily piped up with, “Hi, Daddy!” Mark’s tone did a 180. It went from snippy and sour to sappy sweet. And he answered with, “Hi, baby! How are you? Daddy misses you sooooooo much.” At that moment my attitude toward Mark did a 180. Ugh. And I realized… a bad attitude was killing my marriage. I love Mark and he loves me, but it is so easy to let daily annoyances infiltrate that love and poison our marriage. It is a slow death. I must do better! If you find yourself struggling with your attitude toward your husband, here are a few things to think about when communicating with him. Your tone can transform …

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Lists to Love By

Marital Differences: Asset or Liability?

Are you different from your husband? Mark and I are opposites and it can be a point of contention. I often crave the marriage compatibility I observe in other couples. If you are like us, it’s easy to feel frustrated and want your spouse to be more like you. However, that might defeat the point of two people coming together in marriage as one. Tony Evans puts it like this, “Of course you are different from your spouse. If both of you were the same, one of you would be unnecessary.” What a game changer. Instead of viewing differences as a negative, perhaps we need to open our eyes to the opportunity that differences can bring in marriage. In this video, Mark and I share just how opposite we are. In the beginning of our marriage we viewed our differences as a liability, but after twenty-seven years of marriage (and sharing every lesson we had to learn in our two new marriage books Lists to Love By for Busy Wives and Lists to Love By for Busy Husbands), we now see them as assets and laugh at them. You can learn to laugh at and celebrate your differences too. Play the newlywed game.

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Lists to Love By

Lists to Love By 30 Day Challenge

I have an awesome new marriage printable to share with you that will help make your relationship with your husband stronger and more loving. It’s the Lists to Love By 30 Day Marriage Challenge. The printable was inspired by our Lists to Love By, Simple Steps to the Marriage You Want books (there is one for wives and one for husbands). We have been so encouraged by the feedback about how the simple actions and short chapters are making it easier for couples, and men, in particular, to love better. This is a huge confirmation for us. This was what we hoped for! With Valentine’s Day approaching, we want even more for your marriage. So we have a challenge. We want you to make love a habit! Love is not just for one day a year–it’s for every day. Even if you haven’t read the books, you can still take the Lists to Love By 30 Day Marriage Challenge. Like the books, there is a challenge for husbands and a challenge for wives. And like the books, both challenges give you simple and powerful steps to take each day. It’s that easy. So, make love a habit! Download The Lists to Love By …

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Lists to Love By

Can You Read Your Spouse?

My husband can read two languages — but reading body language isn’t one of them! Mark does his best to be an attentive listener, but because he’s so focused on what I’m saying (I’ve written before about how we are completely different animals when it comes to wordsmithing), he often misses the nuanced meaning telegraphed in my facial expressions. Can you read your spouse? In our books, Lists to Love by for Busy Wives, and Lists to Love by for Busy Husbands, list 24 gives five ways to use body language to connect. As for Mark and I, we’re still working on understanding each other as this video plainly shows.

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Lists to Love By

Do You Love Your Spouse the Right Way?

Have you ever noticed that when someone from another country speaks a different language, people feel the need to speak louder? We think speaking loudly will bridge the communication gap. But it doesn’t. Their ears are working, it’s their brain that can’t understand the words. The same problem occurs when a husband and wife have different love languages. A husband loves his wife in a certain way and when it’s not appreciated he doubles his efforts. It’s like he is getting louder, thinking it will work better. He does more of the things he was doing rather than changing his method and loving his wife in the language she understands. My husband, Mark and I made this mistake for years. We were loving in different languages that just grew louder without ever being understood. You can watch the video below for our story and how to love your spouse the right way. We want you to learn from our mistake. Learn to listen and love in a way that hits the heart. Get the books Lists to Love by for Busy Wives and Lists to Love by for Busy Husbands to learn more about how you can love well. Men, do you want …

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