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20 posts from Susan Merrill.

Podcast

There’s More to the Song, “I Can Only Imagine”

Have you ever had a song that stuck with you? A song that resonated with you so much that you wanted to listen to it over and over again? “I Can Only Imagine” is that kind of song for millions of people, including myself. Whenever I have trials in life, whenever I have another heart surgery, whenever work overwhelms me, whenever Mark’s back pain becomes unbearable, it gives me great peace to reflect on the lyrics: I can only imagine what my eyes will see When your face is before me… Surrounded by Your glory What will my heart feel? The song, written by Bart Millard, the lead singer of MercyMe, reminds me that the suffering in this life is temporary and one day my heart will be free of strife and filled with infinite joy in His presence. What I didn’t know was the real, not so beautiful, story behind the song, a story about something Mark and me have a great deal of passion for—fatherhood. Bart had a difficult childhood because his father was abusive. His mother loved him but could not continue in the relationship with his father and so she left when Bart was still a …

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Marriage

Prickly Spouse? Prepare for the Porcupine Part 2

Mark and I are no strangers to conflict. We are both passionate and that fact shows up often in our communication style. While I’m always up for a debate, constant conflict in marriage can put an unwelcome strain on a marriage. Lasting conflict in marriage is a dangerous path that no couple should go down. To avoid this path, Mark and I acknowledge our trigger points when they show up. Doing this helps us know to slow down and find ways to disarm before an upcoming conflict arises. Last week, we covered how to know if you are prickly and the first 5 trigger points. Today we will cover the remaining 5. Trigger Points of Conflict (continued) 6. Feeling disrespected. 7. Being sick or tired. 8. Being lied to. 9. Disciplining kids. 10. Relational insecurity. Listen here as Mark and I discuss in more depth our trigger points and how we disarm them as they show up.

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Marriage

Prickly Spouse? Prepare for the Porcupine Part 1

My husband, Mark, often describes himself as a porcupine because as he says, “he can get a little prickly.” The reality is we all have porcupine moments in our relationships and especially in marriage. Acknowledging that you can be difficult and identifying what triggers the prickly spouse within is the path to a more harmonious marriage! Acknowledge that you might be a porcupine… Porcupines have sharp quills on its back, sides, and tail, but its belly is tender and vulnerable. So, if you are often prickly or irritable, even though you have a lovable, tender side, you might be a porcupine. Porcupines are very vocal animals, with a variety of calls including moans, grunts, coughs, wails, whines, shrieks, and tooth clicking. If you do a lot of whining or complaining, you might be a porcupine. Porcupines are often solitary animals. If you find yourself wanting to be alone, and being with other people too much makes you grumpy, you might be a porcupine. When irritated or threatened, a porcupine will turn its back, raise its quills and lash out at a predator with its rump. If you get easily defensive, show your backside, and angrily lash out at others, you …

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Marriage

Is This the Root Cause of Your Marriage Problems?

Have you ever thought that love and hate are two sides of the same coin? I might have at one time, but marriage has taught me a lot about love. Hate is not the opposite of love, selfishness is the opposite of love. And selfishness is killing marriages. It is the root cause of many marriage problems–problems that are ending in divorce. A decade ago the number one cause for divorce was financial problems. Today it is irreconcilable differences. That sounds like selfishness. Our human hearts are naturally bent towards getting what we want, when we want it. Real love requires unselfishness. It requires sacrificially putting someone else’s desires, needs, and comfort before what we want. Today’s culture creates an atmosphere of self-focus. Social media, although great sometimes, is often just a way to compare ourselves to others. We see what others have and we think we should have it too: the perfect husband and kids, the clean house, the fulfilling job. But what we see is not reality. Our head may know it’s not reality but the discontent it breeds in our heart eats at us and grows until our unhappy heart demands — get it right now and to …

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Marriage

You Married for Better, but What about for Worse?

At some point in your wedding ceremony you probably committed to take your husband to have and to hold from this day forward, for better and for worse. I know I did. But I really didn’t think about what it meant. Twenty eight years later, for better and for worse has deep meaning. Our daughter, Megan, got married a year ago. The ceremony was beautiful and Megan’s happiness in those months up to the wedding brought back memories of my wedding day. The unadulterated excitement I had going into my marriage blocked out possible road bumps that would lie ahead of us. For worse never really resonated with me, I just was dreaming about better. I thought the tough part about marriage was finding the right guy. That after the wedding came the easy part, my happily ever after. So many couples don’t go into marriage thinking that it’s going to be difficult. Mark and I definitely were among them. You’re going to be with your best friend every day, what could possibly go wrong? One of the best pieces of advice that I could give to a couple about to be married is to go through pre-marital counseling. Counseling will be helpful …

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Encouragement

Anger: Face It, Find It, Figure it Out

In a candid moment around the dinner table discussing personality traits, my kids told me I can be angry. I protested but they had a point and I had no excuse. You see, whether you have one child or five, whether you work in the home or out, we all can get frustrated and angry at one point or another. Anger has a way of sneaking up on us. Somehow small moments of frustration can quickly escalate into anger. Getting to the root of our anger will help us all to deal with the emotions in a healthy way. It can be easy to disregard our anger and push it aside without ever getting to the root cause of that anger, but I think it is important to stop that. We need to take the time to ask, why am I so angry? Not just as individuals but as a society we need to ask this question as well. If we don’t get what we want when we want it, we get angry. Anger is becoming so much more acceptable—think road rage, the political landscape, or battles between law enforcement and the citizens they are intended to protect. Just because something …

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Parenting

8 Things Parents Should Do for their Kids Every Day

There are lots of things parents do for their kids. In fact, the list is endless. And, while all are important, they are not all equal. And that is the problem. Sometimes the less important but seemingly urgent tasks like packing lunches and helping with homework take precedent over deeper, more meaningful things that help build connection. So, to bring the important things to the top, here are 8 things parents should do for their kids daily. 1. Be fully present As parents we can get distracted and when our child asks us something we won’t even look up. And while we can’t be fully present with every child every minute of the day, we can remember to check their pulse at certain times of the day. I totally missed one of these. My daughter was driving herself to and from school. The front door opened, I said hello but never looked up from my laptop, and my daughter went upstairs without replying. I didn’t think anything of it until her sister said, “Aren’t you going check on her? She came in the house crying and has been locked in her room for the last fifteen minutes.” I was so engrossed …

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Marriage

4 Ways to Fight for Your Marriage

You and your spouse are allies—not enemies. Did you get that? You may be thinking: well, of course, we aren’t enemies! But you’d be surprised. I remember when my sister and I were young and we were sharing a room. Technically, we shared a room, but we did not want to share the same ‘space’, so we took tape and put it down the middle of the room so as to deter one another from going into the other’s space. You could be doing the same thing subconsciously in your marriage—you might have drawn a line down the middle of a situation; if your spouse crosses the line in any way, you feel justified and they become the enemy. Don’t make your spouse your enemy, make them your teammate! Fight for your marriage by avoiding these four silent marriage killers. Comparison. Comparison leads to discontentment. When Mark and I had young children, we went on vacations (very inexpensive trips, mind you!) with other families and their children. I remember getting frustrated with Mark and started to verbalize how I wish he was more like my friend’s husband. By my verbalizing it, it created an ongoing, snowball effect of me being …

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Parenting

Loving Your Child Through Teenage Rebellion

I am so thankful I am not a teenager today. It is not an easy age to grow up in! Teenagers have so much more coming at them in the form of opportunities and temptations. Teenage rebellion is really the natural manifestation of your children growing up and asserting themselves as individuals. When they’re young they’re happy to wear what you want, do what you want, and go where you want. Then they hit the transition stage to adulthood. It is a metamorphosis that doesn’t always go smoothly. Mark and I had five teenagers at one time. I want to share some of the struggles teens face and how you can guide them through their transition to adulthood. When your teen is struggling for identity… Teach them they are defined by WHO they are as your child, not by what they do. When our children were little we would tell them “You’re a Merrill.” We wanted them to get their identity from being a part of our family and a part of the values we shared. It’s normal to want to fit in and identify with others. The child at greatest risk is the extremely social child. They will crave acceptance and …

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Marriage

Bad Attitude: Is It Killing Your Marriage?

Can a bad attitude really kill your marriage? Yes! Attitude affects the way we communicate with our husband; so if our attitude toward him is negative, that’s how we’ll sound when we’re talking with him. Mark and I work together every day which makes having a loving attitude really hard. One day when I was out with our daughter Emily running errands, I called Mark from the car. He answered the phone with, “Ya, what do you need?” Well, I had him on blue tooth and Emily piped up with, “Hi, Daddy!” Mark’s tone did a 180. It went from snippy and sour to sappy sweet. And he answered with, “Hi, baby! How are you? Daddy misses you sooooooo much.” At that moment my attitude toward Mark did a 180. Ugh. And I realized… a bad attitude was killing my marriage. I love Mark and he loves me, but it is so easy to let daily annoyances infiltrate that love and poison our marriage. It is a slow death. I must do better! If you find yourself struggling with your attitude toward your husband, here are a few things to think about when communicating with him. Your tone can transform …

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