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From Susan Merrill

The Blog

Parenting

Provocative Peer Pressure

One February day I had lunch at the mall with two friends. As we were settling our tabs, they decided that before we left, we needed to go to Victoria’s Secret to get our husbands a Valentine’s Day gift. They had obviously done this before and seemed to be jointly aware of the plan. My curiosity has always been much greater than my fear of others thinking I am uncool, so my imagination went into action and my mouth followed. What were they going to buy? How did they deliver the present? What were their husband’s expectations? How did this get started? They explained their intentions were to purchase some sexy lingerie for a romantic rendezvous. They acted surprised that I wasn’t on the same page. They encouraged me to give it a try and expressed real concern for the health of my marriage. Surely, I wasn’t meeting my husband’s sexual needs by not being more creative in the bedroom. I admit I was offended. My husband and I actually make love a lot, and enjoy it. What exactly were they implying? Would my marriage fail if I didn’t dress up and act provocatively? I didn’t succumb to the …

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Encouragement

Better than a Halleluiah…Sometimes

I often feel like I’ve failed before I even open my eyes in the morning. It’s a tough way to start the day. Mentally, I go through the pressing “have-to-do-checklist.” My brain scrambles to eliminate things—whatever it can—in an effort to manage the panic. Unfortunately, that means I tend to put off the things that are most important (devotions and prayer, quality time with family, working out) for tomorrow, but tomorrow rarely comes. As one day bleeds into the next, a dull gray of guilt settles over me. Then I notice “the chair.” My guilt pierces me like a sword to the heart. The chair resides in my living room and became “the chair” after a conversation with wise friend. She told me that more than anything; God wanted a relationship with me. And every relationship requires time. She challenged me to pick a prominently visible chair in my house. She went on to tell me that I should picture the Lord there—waiting for me. In fact, He is waiting—patiently—for me. Why is it so easy to neglect God? If my husband, child or friend were sitting in “the chair” I wouldn’t leave them there, unattended and ignored for days. …

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Encouragement

Another Reason I Miss My Mom

My mom was a Midwestern girl—very, very practical—and oh, so CALM. I, on the other hand, tend to swing a bit more on the emotional pendulum. Things just seemed to be a bigger deal to me than they were to her. So perhaps that’s what I’ve been missing as I’m raising teenagers—my mother. After listening to me vent non-stop for 20 minutes straight about my children, I miss her calmly saying, “Susan, you’re not married to this decision. You can change your mind if it doesn’t work out.” “They will grow and learn from this experience. It’s not going to ruin their life.” “She’s just being creative! Don’t make it a big deal, and it won’t become a big deal.” My mom always knew how to give me advice, because she knew me. Without any explanation, she knew what I was really thinking. Therefore, she knew just what to say to get me to adjust my thinking. I wish I were more like her. So, what I’m thinking now is, “Am I going to calm down as I age so that I can be to my kids what my mom was to me?” —Or— “Am I going to find a …

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Parenting

Does Your Daughter Think She is Beautiful?

I have three daughters and all of them have, at times, been disappointed in their appearance. It always makes me sad. Today I read about a new danger on the web—anorexia support websites. These sites are not communities supporting recovery…they are communities of girls encouraging each other in the pursuit of thinness. Their comments made me very sad. They are so unhappy with the way they look. The article stated that the number-one recommended therapy for anorexic girls was family based therapy. I would surmise then, that the number-one way to keep your daughter from dangerously obsessing with her looks starts with you! Share with your daughter how beautiful she is! Here are some of my favorite videos that you can watch with her. The last one is a little graphic, so watch it yourself before you show your daughter. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYhCn0jf46U&feature=player_detailpage

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Marriage

Where in the World Did I Put My Soulmate?

There is a mild obsession in our culture about having a soulmate. Books are being written about it. Celebrities are gushing about having found it. And divorce papers are being filed because somehow people have lost it. A better question is what in the world is a soulmate? Here is what Dictionary.com says about it: A person with whom one has a strong affinity, shared values and tastes, and often a romantic bond. According to this definition I think I may have had several soulmates in my lifetime. Is that possible? And can a soulmate become unsouled? Because some people seem to find their soulmate and then lose him. Searching for your soulmate doesn’t guarantee a soul-ution for life-long happiness in marriage. Have you guessed where I am going with this? I am frustrated with this fictional excuse to leave your spouse! Here’s an analogy we can appreciate. Can you buy a pair of shoes, wear them for 10 years, and then take them back to the store? Can you demand a different pair because, “These really aren’t the right shoes…” for you? Do you think they would accept that you were really meant to have the new ones in the window instead …

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Parenting

The Mean Mom Club

What does it take to earn membership into the Mean Mom club? These children share how their moms live up to the Mean Mom code. Are you ready to take the Mean Mom Pledge? Let your kids know you’re committed to these 11 Ways to be the Meanest Mom.

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Marriage

There is No Perfect Marriage

If you think somebody out there has the perfect marriage – think again. Even the best marriages have their challenging moments. iMOM Ambassador Lauren Dungy offers encouragement to women on what they can do during those times.

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Marriage

Do-Overs in Marriage

Do you ever say the wrong thing to your husband? We all do! The “do-over option” is a great way to get your relationship back on track after you’ve made a slip.

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Parenting

The No Answer, Answer

One day I was riding in the car with my mother in law. She is lovely! I mean it—she kind of floats along in this happy, Pollyannaish bubble that my more intense, analytical nature can only keep afloat for about three minutes. We picked up the kids from school, and the curve balls started coming towards me at 95 miles per hour from every direction. All I heard was a cacophony of “Mom, can I…” None of the requests were outlandish, but none were possible because we had plans. I just hate having to shoot them down. So I braced myself for the fast balls I knew were coming next – “Mom, I never get to…” It was a familiar scene, but it rapidly dispelled as my mother in law effortlessly distracted them with happy questions about their day. She is so smooth. It got me thinking. How did she handle such barrages when she was raising three strong-willed boys? So I asked her. And her Pollyannaish answer was – she would smile and drive. That’s it. No answer. She would smoothly talk about the wonder of the day until they had settled down and moved on. She had all …

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