The Blog

Encouragement · January 7, 2011

Saying Goodbye to Santa

I know I know, you said goodbye weeks ago. Well, I didn’t. I put it off and I have a reason. My mom was born right before Christmas and I was born right after. When you have a Christmas birthday and the decorations go up it invokes double the excitement. This is my time of year, my only time, Christmas and birthday in one. My mom never let my birthday get lost in the holiday because hers was at Christmas, too. My mom also died just a few days before her birthday and Christmas. This time is now such a mix of anticipation and reflection. When I say goodbye to the vintage Santa of my childhood, now on my grown up roof, I am saying goodbye to a connection I have with my mom. The good news is that year round I can look to Christ for that connection with my mom. If I look up at my Santa I can only see the past with my mom, if I look up to Christ I can see my future with her.

Parenting · January 5, 2011

Birthorder

We have the strangest of birth orders in my family. It has made life interesting. My husband and I started with an oldest (girl), middle (girl) and baby (boy) for nine years. Then we adopted a firstborn (girl) the same age as my middle—literally two weeks apart in age, and a first born boy, but middle child, the same age as my biological first born male baby! Are you confused? So were my kids. Looking back it was a comical competition for position. What I learned watching my two firstborn girls from different worlds (one raised in Russia, one in the U.S.) was that despite socioeconomic differences for the first decade of their lives—they were soooooo much alike. They both put a lot of pressure on themselves to succeed. I never really had to push them in anything. They were responsible, mature and at times bossy with the other kids. I often have to remind them to be a little more “others” centered. My middle biological and my adopted middle, one a girl and one a boy, would give me their last dime, and probably be the only ones in the family to notice if I was sick or having …

Marriage · December 31, 2010

Attitude: Is it Killing Your Marriage? (Podcast)

Encouragement · December 24, 2010

Linus is not Lyin to Us

He knows the real meaning of Christmas. We all need a Linus – someone in the midst of our Charlie Brown frustration to calmly refocus our attention. There are two nuances I love about this clip. The first is that everyone is literally in the “dark” about the meaning for Christmas until Linus says “lights please” and standing in the light, sheds light on the true meaning by reciting the Word of God. The second is when Linus says “and they (shepherds) were so afraid and the angel of the Lord said unto them ‘fear not’”. The second Linus says “fear not” he drops his security blanket as if no longer afraid. The birth of Christ is what Christmas is all about. This is a fact. Linus is not lying to us or telling a fictional story. All the presents and decorations and parties cannot conceal this fact. So take a Linus moment and step out of the busyness and into the light. Fall on your knees and hear the angel voices. You will find that same thrill of hope that Charlie Brown so desperately needed from this holy night! O holy night! The stars are brightly shining, It is …

Encouragement · December 6, 2010

My House is a Mess

The reality is I really don’t care. Yes, I do. Well not enough to really do anything to change it—for more than a week. It would be so interesting to walk in somebody else’s shoes for a while—somebody that actually puts their shoes away. I might learn an alternative lifestyle. I went to a friend’s house this morning. I go there every week to pray with five long time friends. Her house is always put together. Not just clean but accessorized—orchid on the kitchen island, flowering plants potted at the door and tea kettle piping on the stove. Do you think it is my hurried lifestyle that makes me messy? My friend’s kids are grown and gone, mine aren’t. Who am I kidding I always have an excuse. I will still have stacks of paper on my dining room table when I am a grandmother! The reality is I really don’t care. Yes, I do—just not enough to change.

Parenting · November 30, 2010

It Makes Me a Little Crazy When My Kids Lie

Sometimes, moms just have this nagging sense that something is not ringing true, but they can’t act on it because they don’t know what it is. Three of my children were/are prone to lying. One child lied out of pride. If she did something wrong she would be so ashamed she would rather lie than admit it. Her lying was fairly easy to address. When she was little, if she lied to cover up something we would sit down with her and tell her we knew she was lying. If she told us the truth there would either be no consequence or a simple one that fit the offense. If she didn’t tell the truth, she would get a spanking. Since she was little it was easy to identify her lies, and since she did not like spankings it was effective. She learned that it was better to humble herself and admit wrongdoing than to feed her pride and cover it up with lies. My other two children who lied were adopted from a situation where lying was a survival skill. Lying at an older age is much more complicated because the kids are smarter, the opportunities are greater and …

Parenting · November 25, 2010

Thankful Children

What are children most thankful for this Thanksgiving? Deep down, we know they’re really thankful for the important things in life, like family and friends. But, of course, that’s not always what comes to their mind first.

Parenting · November 24, 2010

Call Me Crazy

But I would follow my kids anywhere. Thank goodness they haven’t asked me to go sky diving. So, when you’ve washed the last dish this Thanksgiving and finally plopped yourself on the couch and propped your feet up, think of me. I will be on my feet – following my crazy girls in their favorite sport – shopping. My girls took their sport to a new level last year, taking advantage of a weakened economy and reduced budget. Their strategy revolved around one concept – SALE. With an outlet mall 40 minutes away, and the SALE starting at midnight, I found myself climbing into the car with a large latte at 11:00 p.m. last Thanksgiving instead of my comfy bed. I don’t know if it was the late night latte or my innate competitive spirit that took over when 1 mile from our exit we came to a complete stop. A line had formed – a mile long line – on the highway to turn off for the mall. We could see the lights, we could see the circling cars in the parking lot. One of my daughters descended into pit of defeat. “We will never get there, we will …

Encouragement · November 23, 2010

Thanksgiving – How I Finally Got it Together

Whether you are serving five or 25 guests, a traditional Thanksgiving dinner is a lot of work. In my case, it is usually closer to 25. So after the first few years I realized that I was never going to enjoy the dinner if I single-handedly served it. That’s when I came up with a plan to get all the guests involved with the process (it makes everyone feel at home and a part of the family), delegate jobs I really didn’t need to do (and because the jobs are small the kids don’t mind them either), spend a little time with everyone in the kitchen (so that I don’t feel like I never got to see some people by the end of the night), and finish the day with enough energy to really be thankful! The plan is simple: Map out every task from putting water in the glasses to serving dessert (see my list). Choose a guest to complete each task. Choose a task manager to rally little taskers and remind older ones (this keeps you focused on dinner rather than running around). Post the list so all can see it. Since I formulated my plan, iMOM has …

Parenting · November 19, 2010

Coping with My Daughter’s Illness

We discovered our daughter’s illness the summer of her 16th year. Looking back, the warning signs had been there for probably three or four months; I just didn’t put it all together. She was tired so much of that last quarter of school, but I thought it was just too much going on. She was moody, but I rationalized that she was just being a girl. The symptom that did it was the tan. Emily, in princess terms, was our Snow White – dark hair, white skin. She didn’t like her inability to tan like her siblings, so as we began to go to the lake and she grew brown, she was elated. She commented on it multiple times to me. Again, I discounted it, thinking she must be in some strange puberty thing. But the tan stuck. I remember her sitting on my lap and trying to take my wedding ring off so she could try it on. My attention was focused on her hands as I was resisting giving up my ring. Her fingers were so tan they just didn’t look like hers. It is funny how you know your child. This is not right, I thought. I …