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From Susan Merrill

The Blog

Parenting

Are You Sending Your Kids Out of Orbit?

When I was a new mom for the first time, one of the strangest things I had to figure out was what it meant to be the absolute center of another person’s universe. Babies and children and even teens rely on their parents for everything—their survival, emotional stability, first social cues, a sense of values, and so much more. Their world is a reflection of ours. That means that when we become parents, our emotional stability is more important than ever before. If we shift out of orbit, we remove the center of our child’s universe and spin them out of control, as well. So how can you make sure you don’t send yourself and your kids out of orbit in such a complicated and crazy world? Read how you can here. Center Yourself First If you have ever flown on an airplane, you’ve certainly heard the safety spiel about what to do in a case where the cabin loses pressure: oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling, and you must secure your own before assisting anyone else. If you don’t take care of yourself first, you will suffocate and won’t be able to help anyone. There have been several times in …

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Marriage

I Vow to Take the Love Challenge

February is here! January was focused on setting goals for work, but now that that’s done, it’s time to set goals for the truly important things in life – my family. February is the month we celebrate love because of Valentine’s day, and we certainly are all about love in the Merrill home—Megan is getting married! I know a sweet sadness is waiting for me. There will be sweetness in the celebration of my oldest daughter, and sadness in her leaving home. With Megan’s wedding foremost on my mind, I’ve been reflecting on two things: 1. how much I appreciate my own marriage to Mark for 26 years and 2. the preciousness of the time I have left with Megan. So I’m devoting February to being intentional, with two people I love, in particular, Megan and Mark. With Megan I am going to do something sentimental. You see, Megan was the inspiration for Pillow Talk Conversation Starters on iMOM.com. It is a sweet story, she was my oldest and I had two other little ones. I became convicted that I was so busy putting the others to bed I was neglecting her. So I started writing a question to her in a journal. She would …

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Encouragement

Looking Back, Moving Forward

I’m not often an introspective person. I would rather be doing than sitting around contemplating things. I’ve always been a girl of action! The downside of being quick to action is that I have been known to act and speak before I think. The upside is that I am someone who looks ahead, takes leaps of faith, lives in the present, and anticipates the future. But after making it through one of the craziest years of my life, I think a little bit of introspection could be good for me. In looking back, how should I be moving forward?

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Encouragement

Gratitude Adjustment

“For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God. So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.” 2 Corinthians 4:15-16 Today, I thank God for you. I am filled with gratitude that you are seeking to be a better mom. I am humbled that you are reading these words. I am awed that you have found encouragement or hope or help from the lessons I have learned through my personal experiences, both good and bad. This past year has had more hardships than I expected and more goodness than I deserve. There have been times of overwhelming exhaustion and physical weakness. There have been moments of perfect joy and unbelievable happiness. Tears, laughter, silence, despair, hope, anger, desperation, determination, peace. I am learning that when I am weak, the God of the universe is strong. When my body is exhausted, my soul is held by my Savior. When I am a vessel for Him, He uses me to extend His grace. That is what I am grateful for today. I …

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Parenting

12 Ways to Stay in Touch with Older Children

As my kids have gotten older, I’ve had to get used to less face-to-face time with them. College and career opportunities in different states mean that we don’t see each other around the family dinner table every night anymore. As a mom who craves meaningful communication with all of my children, the adjustment has been pretty hard for me at times. But over the last several years, I’ve learned 12 great ways to stay connected with your kids, no matter their age! Know their schedule. Know their schedule of important events and text them before big tests, interviews, dates, etc. with encouraging words or to let them know you are praying for them. My son’s freshman year he got really sick during exams. I called to check up on how it was going and discovered he was so tired and pressed studying that he didn’t have anything for his cold. I found a grocery delivery service online. Turns out the deliverer was an entrepreneurial young mom who shopped and delivered, toddler in tow to make money. She showed up on his doorstep with Gatorade, snacks, and cold medicine and said this is from your mom—she loves you! He was so thankful …

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Encouragement

Celebrating the Holidays When it Hurts

Guest Post By: Lisa Appelo I usually love Christmastime. The smell of a Douglas fir in the living room and holiday music on the radio are wonderful. I love all the baking and cooking of Christmas and shopping for that one present that I know will bring a wide grin to my child. But six years ago, we were facing a very painful Christmas. Six months earlier, my husband, Dan, and the amazing father to our seven children, had suffered a sudden heart attack and died. Life had been in a tailspin, and we entered the Christmas season with eight broken hearts. I knew that getting through every first without him would be hard and I needed to be very intentional about that first Christmas. What do you do when the holidays hurt? When someone you love is missing at the table or life has taken a sudden painful turn? While every family will deal with difficulty a bit differently, here are three things we did to help us through that hard, sad Christmas. Mix it up. Don’t ignore the pain. It’s unhealthy to push through the holidays with a façade of happiness. There were certainly parts of that first Christmas …

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Marriage

How to Keep Your Marriage on Track When Life Derails You

I don’t know about you, but when I got married, I had a few expectations of the way things were going to be. Mark and I had plans and goals, and we were blissfully on board our marriage train to chase our dreams. But like every other couple, we learned pretty quickly that life can derail you in an instant! An unexpected pregnancy, a job change, financial struggles, sickness, any number of things can swiftly change the plans you thought you had. Then we had to ask ourselves, “now what?” What do we do now, when our carefully made plans are falling apart? When I’m in the hospital for the umpteenth time, when the house floods, when we don’t feel like we’re on the same page anymore? How do you keep your marriage on track? In this podcast, Mark and I share with you three ways to respond when life derails you: Know That You Will Get Knocked off the Track. How to Respond to Getting Knocked off the Track. How to Lay New Track Together. Anyone who’s been married for awhile knows that getting knocked off the track happens. Responding is a little trickier. In June of 2011, our house flooded. …

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Encouragement

How to Find a Messy Balance

I confess that I am by nature a messy. However, I am also highly productive. Being messy and productive is like having two beasts at war within. You see, I love to take on lots of creative challenges which can lead to jumping from one thing to the next. And jumping creates a messiness; messy drawers, messy closets, messy desk, messy car, messy purse… An overall disorganization can set in that creates a huge roadblock to my productivity. It took time, but I had to learn (and am still learning) how to find a messy balance. In Defense of Creative Messies “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” ~Albert Einstein Apparently Steve Jobs, Albert Einstein, and Mark Twain all had very messy desks. Messiness is a sign of creativity! Several studies, including by the University of Minnesota found that messy people are more prone to be creative and risk-takers, people who are neater tend to follow rules and are more likely to avoid new things and risks. They concluded that disorderly environments seem to inspire fresh insights. I am disorderly! But in defense of the messies, it is …

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Parenting

Are Your Kids Running You Ragged?

Something I’ve learned during my two dozen or so years as a parent is that there’s a fine line between being good parents and spoiling your child. As parents, it’s natural to want to do everything you can for your children…but that does not mean you should make them the center of your universe. It’s bad for the parents, kids, and everyone around you! Every married person with kids needs to be reminded that no matter how much you love your kids, the marriage needs to come first. If that’s not happening, chances are your kids will run you ragged, and you won’t be able to give each other the support you both need! In this podcast, Mark and I explain how you can be a better parent and spouse by not letting your kids become the center of your universe. If that happens, three bad things will inevitably follow: 1. Your marriage will suffer. 2. Your child will suffer. 3. Your child’s friendships will suffer. That all sounds very dramatic and negative, but it’s so true! Making your child the center of your universe inevitably means that you aren’t giving your spouse the attention he or she deserves. It means your …

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Encouragement

Fighting the Lies We Live By

Lies have a really sneaky way of disguising themselves as truth. Once we hear a lie in our head enough times, it begins to convince us that it is right! Then we unknowingly accrue a list of lies we live by. Don’t believe me? Think about a few of these lies we live by, or at least I live by and I am fighting not to live by! Lie #1: “No one notices what I do” Truth: “You are LOVED” As moms, we are the ones finishing laundry at 2 a.m. to make sure our son has a clean uniform for practice. We are the ones standing in front of a sink stacked high with dirty dishes two and three times a day. And we are the ones driving a carpool of screaming kids across town even when we have a temperature of 102 degrees. Constantly putting others first without any sign of appreciation is overwhelming. But what I’ve had to come to understand is that even though my kids don’t say thank you on a daily basis, I can always find other ways that I am loved and appreciated by them. Lie #2: “I don’t have enough time or energy” …

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