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From Susan Merrill

The Blog

Parenting

Train Up a Child to Stand for What Is Right

Proverbs says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” As my children have grown up, we have had many discussions about doing the right thing. Many times they were asked by a teacher or coach to do something that was wrong. They had to really think and apply their training to the situation so that they did not depart from what they knew was right. Even if it meant getting a lower grade or being benched in a game. It’s not easy to speak up in your freshman ethics class and say that abortion is wrong when everyone else in the class accuses you of being anti-feminist. It’s not easy to sit alone in your dorm on a Friday night because your underage friends are partying and getting drunk. It’s not easy saying no to sex with a boyfriend who you think you are in love with and who insists that’s the only way to prove that you love him. It’s not easy seeing someone cheat on an exam you studied all night for and then finding out they got a better grade than you. It’s …

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Marriage

Marriage Killers and How to Slay Them

Early on in our marriage, our biggest issue was criticism. Mark thought it would be very helpful of him to point out all of the ways I could do things better, more like him. He is now quick to admit that he tends to have a bit of a critical attitude, but he didn’t realize it at the time. He honestly thought he was just helping me! But as someone who needs affirmation and thrives on compliments, I interpreted his “helpfulness” as constant criticism. His efforts to “improve me” and his idea of how I needed to improve changed from week to week. As a pleaser, unable to please him, I became very discouraged. Over time, I began to despair that I would never meet his expectations and almost gave up trying. It took several years of this before we went to a marriage counselor. She opened Mark’s eyes to the fact that what attracted him to me was that I was different. I was the fun, creative, light-hearted balance to his serious, disciplined, determined personality. And that the woman he was trying to make me was not what he needed, nor wanted! When marriages fall apart, people tend to …

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Parenting

What’s Going on in Your Child’s Heart?

When my kids were young, it was so easy to know what was going on in their heart because it usually came out of their mouth nonstop. The constant stream of random questions along with verbal observations about life provided a wide open window into their heart. I loved it. I just love to help people figure things out—especially little people. But as my little ones grew older, they naturally grew a little more guarded making it difficult to know what was really going on inside their heads. Getting my boys, in particular, to talk can feel like pulling teeth! But engaging my kids is something I am passionate about and very few things provide more peace, especially with teens than knowing what’s going on in your child’s heart. So with fewer words to aid you, you must work on your nonverbal perception. It takes work, but you can hone your perceptiveness to help figure out what your kids are thinking and feeling. How can we be more perceptive? How can we add depth to our perception? Here are four ways. 1. Look How often do we hear or see things that we don’t really mentally process? This is terribly easy to …

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Encouragement

How to Chain, Tame, and Train Your Tongue

When was the last time you said something you didn’t mean? Spoke before thinking? Hurt someone with your words? Let a careless comment slip? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done all of those things! And I know I’m not the only one who struggles with my words. Why is it so easy to say things we regret? The book of James has an answer for that. James 3:2-6 tells us, “For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole …

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Parenting

5 Answers You Need About Your Teen’s Social Media Use

Nowadays it seems like teenagers are born with an extra appendage attached to their fingertips. You know what I mean. That iPhone they just can’t seem to look up from may as well be a part of their bodies! Spending too much time using social media may be detrimental to your child’s mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Parents need to be aware of their child’s social media habits, especially if it’s a big part of their life. Asking these five simple questions about your teen’s social media use will help you determine whether they have a healthy balance between virtual friendships and face-to-face interactions. 1. Is your teen vain? Proverbs tells us that pride leads to disgrace but with humility comes wisdom. Because of the ability teens now have to speak to hundreds or thousands of people at a time, vanity has become one of the biggest side effects of social media. Take a look at your teen’s Instagram account. How many selfies do you see? What are the captions? Check out their Twitter and Facebook accounts. How often do the status messages or tweets reveal vanity or a self-centered mindset? Pictures, tweets, and status updates can give unique insight …

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Parenting

When to Let Your Child Quit

In our family, we discouraged our children from being quitters from a very young age. If they started a game, they needed to finish it. If they wanted to do an activity, they couldn’t just leave halfway through. Because quitting should only be allowed or encouraged in rare circumstances, we wanted to raise our children to persevere! Earlier this year, one of my daughters faced a difficult decision. She had recently started a good job that utilized her skills and looked good on her résumé, but her manager was dishonest and frequently acted in a way that made her uncomfortable. She came to Mark and me and told us that she wanted to quit her job. On the surface, that didn’t necessarily seem like the best move for a young, recent college graduate! But when we analyzed the situation using three important questions, we realized that this was one situation where quitting was good and were able to help her make the wise decision of leaving her compromising work environment. At some point, every parent will hear from their child the words, “I quit.” When our kids are younger, it’s usually something that’s not a big deal, like a game the child …

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Marriage

4 Common Mistakes Husbands and Wives Make in Marriage

Guess what? There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage! No matter how great a relationship may look on the outside, every couple has struggles because every person makes mistakes. If you’ve read many of my blog posts, you know that Mark and I have made our share of mistakes. Instead of making excuses for our behavior, we have tried to learn from what we’ve done wrong so we can grow as a couple. Our marriage isn’t perfect, but we are always looking for ways to love each other better. A foundational step we have taken for a strong marriage is acknowledging the mistakes we do make and resolving to avoid them in the future. Over the years we have discovered several common mistakes that husbands and wives (including us!) make in marriage: not putting your spouse before your kids, not respecting your spouse, not confiding in your spouse, and not being intimate with your spouse. In this podcast, Mark and I discuss these common problems to help you identify potential issues in your marriage. As a mom, I can tell you that I’ve sometimes struggled with the first mistake by not putting Mark before the kids. We have five absolutely …

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Parenting

Wants and Needs: Can Your Child Tell the Difference?

“But mom, I neeeeed it!” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard these five words come out of my kids’ mouths—and the expression on their faces when they say it is almost funny! I use the word rather loosely here because, in reality, understanding the difference between a need and a want is extremely important and not to be laughed at. Unfortunately, countless parents think it’s cute when their young children pout for treats, demanding their wants until their amused moms and dads acquiesce. However, that same amusement evaporates into mortified embarrassment when their children grow up to resemble Violet from Willy Wonka. We are so fortunate in the United States because most of us have everything we need, even beyond the very basics of food, water, and shelter. Most of us have ample access to those primary needs, as well as clothing, education, work, and medicine. Because our needs are so often met and wants are frequently accessible, it’s vital to teach children from the beginning the difference between wants and needs. If you don’t, they can grow up thinking they need everything they want. Even if your children are older, it’s never too late for this valuable lesson. Here are three ways to get you …

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Encouragement

Are You Too Serious to Laugh?

“Mommy, what’s wrong?” “Nothing, why?” “You never laugh anymore.” My kids can read me like a book. I have heard these words several times. We all have stress, but when stress exists for long stretches of time, it can become the norm. And we become too serious for laughter. During those periods, a mom can forget how to laugh. And that is bad. In fact, it is probably worse than we think because it can affect our relationships. When I think back on my favorite memories, so many of them are filled with laughter. Whether it’s with my kids or Mark or my friends, I’m most happy when I’m laughing so hard that I bend over, silent, tears streaming. The silent laugh is my deepest laugh. When my laugh goes silent, my family thinks it is hysterical and they start laughing. Thank goodness they have never videoed me in this mode or I’d probably never do it again because apparently, I look pretty comical. What is it about laughter that leads to such shared moments? Scientists have studied the benefits of laughter and their findings reveal laughter is pretty powerful. So based on their findings, here are just a few reasons …

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Marriage

3 A’s for an Awesome Marriage

Join me on Periscope tonight at 9:00 pm EST to discuss: Will Your Child Stand for What They Know is Right? I recently posted a video of me and my friend Lesley doing a Periscope session where we talked about the 3 R’s of discipline. Today, I have 3 more letters on my mind to share with you: 3 A’s for an awesome marriage! I am sure that every married person who is reading this post wants an awesome marriage. Many of you already have that, others are striving for it. Often, what can get in the way of an awesome marriage is something very simple: We focus on what our spouse should be doing instead of noticing what they’re doing well or recognizing our own shortcomings. I’ll be honest with you, it’s easier to look at Mark and hone in on his flaws than to accept my own mistakes. It’s especially easy when I’m making excuses for my own poor behavior because I’m tired or overworked or think that he doesn’t appreciate me enough! In this podcast, Mark and I talk about turning your attention to yourself and asking how YOU can be a better spouse. An awesome marriage …

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