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From Susan Merrill

The Blog

Lists to Love By

Can You Read Your Spouse?

My husband can read two languages — but reading body language isn’t one of them! Mark does his best to be an attentive listener, but because he’s so focused on what I’m saying (I’ve written before about how we are completely different animals when it comes to wordsmithing), he often misses the nuanced meaning telegraphed in my facial expressions. Can you read your spouse? In our books, Lists to Love by for Busy Wives, and Lists to Love by for Busy Husbands, list 24 gives five ways to use body language to connect. As for Mark and I, we’re still working on understanding each other as this video plainly shows.

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Lists to Love By

Do You Love Your Spouse the Right Way?

Have you ever noticed that when someone from another country speaks a different language, people feel the need to speak louder? We think speaking loudly will bridge the communication gap. But it doesn’t. Their ears are working, it’s their brain that can’t understand the words. The same problem occurs when a husband and wife have different love languages. A husband loves his wife in a certain way and when it’s not appreciated he doubles his efforts. It’s like he is getting louder, thinking it will work better. He does more of the things he was doing rather than changing his method and loving his wife in the language she understands. My husband, Mark and I made this mistake for years. We were loving in different languages that just grew louder without ever being understood. You can watch the video below for our story and how to love your spouse the right way. We want you to learn from our mistake. Learn to listen and love in a way that hits the heart. Get the books Lists to Love by for Busy Wives and Lists to Love by for Busy Husbands to learn more about how you can love well. Men, do you want …

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Parenting

8 Lies Your Teen Believes {Podcast}

We often don’t understand what’s going on in the heads of our teenagers. In my case, this happened with one of my boys. He was such a good, compliant child that when he hit the teenage years I really didn’t know that he was having a lot of self-doubt. He based it on things that had happened to him that he perceived incorrectly. Even if you think your child is fine, be alert during these years and have regular conversations so the following lies don’t take root. Here are the 8 Lies Your Teen Believes. No one understands me. This is something you often hear because they’re maturing and they don’t want to be treated as a child. Part of handling this lie is listening, not always correcting or offering a solution, but empathy. Let them spout off. Let them see that you get it. Being popular will make me happy. You actually might not want your child to be popular, but they do need to feel a part of a group and have friends. Help them see that they want to choose friends who make good choices and are kind to others. If I don’t ace this test, I’ll never get into college. …

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Parenting

5 Ways Parents Frustrate Their Teens {Podcast}

I loved it when my children were babies. I also loved it when they were teenagers—really, I did. Yes, there were challenges, but the bonds we formed during those years will last us a lifetime. What’s the key to parenting teenagers? In this podcast episode, Mark and I talk about how first, you’ll need to transition from being a little-people parent to a big-people parent. We have to accept that their mind has changed, how they think has changed, they want to start exercising their ability to make their own choices. That’s just natural. They’re like the little bird getting ready to fly. So tell yourself, “A change is happening here and I need to shift gears.” With that in mind, take a look at the five ways parents frustrate their teens. Parents make all of their teens’ decisions for them. You want to let your teen make her own decisions when she’s ready. So how do you know she has the maturity to do that? It’s tricky. I’ve said this often to my kids after they’ve asked for more freedom or a new privilege, “Show me you are ready.” It’s not an age thing. It depends on the child. …

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Parenting

How to Raise Your Child to Be a Leader {Podcast}

Mark and I both had leadership positions in college. He was president of an on-campus leadership group and I was president of my sorority. But we’ve tried to teach our children a broader sense of leadership–the power of influence in daily life. There’s a question we asked our kids a lot over the years, especially during middle school and high school: Are your friends having more of an influence on you, or are you having more of an influence on them? We wanted them to understand that being a leader was about how they chose to use their influence. And the reason we want our children to be influencers is that we want them to be a leader of good choices. Here’s how to teach your child to be a leader. Be willing to stand apart. Start teaching this as early as you can. When our children were young we were careful about what movies they watched. Well one time Megan was at a sleepover and the girls started a movie Megan knew wasn’t appropriate, so she asked the babysitter if she could go upstairs and play. She was okay with being different. When you encourage this kind of response …

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Lists to Love By

New Year, Renewed Marriage: Follow These Simple Steps

People are usually a little surprised when we tell them the story in the video below. You see, our marriage didn’t have the most promising start. Our hearts were in the right place, but our personalities were on a crash course that was bound to implode our marriage. There were so many things we struggled through. We had to learn how to communicate, how to meet each other’s needs, and how to handle conflict. Of course, we still have conflict, but after 28 years we have figured out some great ways to love well. We want you to know what we have learned. Learn from us. We want you to struggle less than we did and love more. We took what helped us and put it in our Lists to Love By, Simple Steps to the Marriage You Want books. Each book, one for wives and one for husbands, features 30 short lists with simple steps you can take to have a better marriage or maybe even the marriage you’ve always wanted but never had. Are you struggling with other issues, such as conflict, in your marriage? Mark and I struggle with that as well. Here are 4 Simple Steps …

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Parenting

Share the Love, Share the Book!

Mark and I need your help. Our new books, From Me to You: A Conversation Journal (both son and daughter versions), releases April 2nd! We would love your help sharing the news. To make sharing convenient, use any of these posts or tweets below to get the word out on your social media. Thank you for helping. It is our hope that these books will be the beginning of a hundred meaningful conversations between parent and child about trials, temptations, and fears. About dreams, family, and faith. And so much more. We couldn’t do it without you!

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Marriage

4 Things to Do When Your Spouse Is Feeling Down {Podcast}

Mark has been dealing with back pain for the past few months. It’s getting better, but there are still days he doesn’t feel 100 percent. For someone as on-the-go as Mark, this experience has, at times, caused him to get discouraged. I’ve tried to be there for Mark, to encourage him and let him know I understand what he’s dealing with. It’s not always easy, but it’s part of being a supportive spouse. Mark has been there for me when I’ve gone through down times; now it’s my turn to be there for him. In this podcast, Mark and I share 4 Things to Do When Your Spouse is Feeling Down. Empathize. When someone shows you empathy you immediately feel that you’re not alone. It’s more powerful than offering a solution because it shows you understand. Do your best to show empathy every day for as long as your husband needs your support. If you don’t, he’ll feel like you’re getting frustrated with him. Thank him for being transparent. When your husband reaches out to you or shares what’s bringing him down, say something like this: “I’m so glad you told me. I could tell you were down.” Encourage him …

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Parenting

Teaching Your Kids Good Cell Phone Manners

When the first hand-held cell phone call was placed in 1973, I’ll bet the inventor didn’t realize what a cultural and social phenomenon had begun! With the advent of Smartphones and the rapidly improving technology that makes more knowledge and convenience available at our fingertips, cell phones are no longer simply for making calls. A study in 2013 found that Americans spend about an hour per day on their cell phones, and only about a quarter of that time was spent actually talking. To complicate things even more, parents today are letting their kids use cell phones at younger and younger ages. Mine had to wait until they were 16! Statistics reveal that close to 25% of 6 to 9 year olds own a cell phone. That number jumps to 60% of 10 to 14 year olds who own a cell phone. And a whopping 84% of 15 to 18 year olds own a cell phone. Cell phone etiquette has grown increasingly complicated, so it’s important we teach our kids the dos and don’ts of cell phone use, especially as they’re exposed to cell phones earlier in childhood. Share these Do’s and Don’ts of Cell Phone Manners with your kids. You can print this …

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Marriage

The Wedding Trumped the Blog

Confession: I have been MIA and haven’t blogged in months, but for good reason! The wedding trumped the blog. In my memory it actually trumped everything. Are there ever times in your life when several things are happening all at once? And somehow, in the midst of it all, you get the distinct feeling God is trying to tell you something, but you’re not sure what He is saying? My year, in summary, goes like this: moved 2 children, Mark ruptured 3 discs in one move and hasn’t fully recovered after 5 months, turned over 3 employees on my team at work (these girls need to stop having babies–kidding), co-authored two books with Mark to be released early 2017, AND Megan got married! The wedding planning, with everything else that happened this year, was fast and furious. It is all a total blur. And then, somehow God brought the whole wedding weekend together, and each event—the bridesmaids luncheon, rehearsal dinner, wedding, reception—was crystal clear. I say that with tears in my eyes because I truly felt like He froze time for me. I finally heard loud and clear…bask in this…this moment of joy…this blessing of Megan’s marriage. God knew I needed to …

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