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Marriage

Marriage

How Your Husband’s Friend Can Help Your Communication

It is amazing, seriously, miraculously amazing what an objective point of view can do for your marriage. Mark and I have had communication struggles forever. We have earnestly tried different ways to make each other see our point. We have made progress but nothing compared to the “communication epiphany” that occurred on our vacation with the Hohfelers. It was a very simple, natural, unplanned inspiration, but in my life it was a game-changer. The Hohfelers have been friends forever, but they moved years ago. They are funny, like-minded and very real. Don’t you love REAL friends? Real friends are an “ahhhhhhhhh” for me–a breath of fresh air–a release from expectations. We miss the Hohfelers all the time. So we planned an unplanned quiet getaway, no agenda just drift together. But in the quiet, not so quiet because there is much laughter between Mark and Jay and much chatter between Beth and I, Jay made some observations about Mark and I. AND he decided to challenge Mark about them. Don’t we all need REAL friends? They are a window into our lives that we can open without fear of getting cold, wet, or sick. Jay observed (you can read his total …

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Marriage

What He Really Wants For Father’s Day

Father’s Day–We are ready. My JCrew employed daughter bought Mark some clothes. My oldest daughter is flying in to surprise him. We have written and will perform a song for him to “What I Like About You.” My dad is coming and a few others for Mark’s favorite dinner. He will be happy that we went to a lot of trouble but when I read this I was reminded of what any dad, or mom for that matter, really wants from their child…

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Marriage

Get Real About Married Sex

Sex is a popular topic. It gets 506,000,000 online searches a month. God gets 55,600,000. President Trump gets over a million. The weather gets 185,000,000. I offer these stats for a little comparison. More people search for answers about sex than answers about religion, politics or the chance of rain. Sex is a very popular topic. It is also a topic that I think gets over analyzed to the point that we are confused and discontent in our contrast and comparison of what we should or shouldn’t be doing as partners. I think that is a mistake on our part. Married sex is the best but it is not always perfect. Sometimes it’s worthy of an academy award but more often it’s quick after the kids go to bed but before we fall asleep from exhaustion. Everyone has their own reality about sex. Yours is not mine and that is fine because we are all really different. So let me be real about our married sex, in the hopes that it will encourage you to be realistic about yours. I will begin with… The First Night Our honeymoon was our first night together. Our wedding was huge and our reception was …

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Marriage

Be Thankful You Have A Partner In Parenting

There are times when we would all like to throw our spouse overboard. But no matter how imperfect your spouse is as a parent, most single moms (and dads) would tell you to appreciate the fact that you have help and support in the parenting game. After listening to lots of single parents and the challenges they face, I realize it’s a great privilege to have someone to tag-team with when parenting is overwhelming! Being partners in parenting is actually a wonderful thing. So here are some things you might have overlooked in your co-parent that you can be thankful for…

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Marriage

Shaunti Feldhahn Book Give Away

This is my friend Shaunti–I love her. And I just saw her last week at the Hearts At Home Conference. This woman has it going on in places that I can only dream of going. She gets men and she gets women and what’s more she gets how to explain them to each other. This is a RARE gift! Mark and I have read her books, used her books in our relationship and used her books with our kids. Another reason she is so unique is that she does so much research and thousands of interviews with men and women before she even writes one word! Her books For Women Only and For Men Only have been updated and are being rereleased today with additional insights from the latest brain research plus an all-new chapter that shows what’s really going on when he seems to “check out.” Now when I tell you that there is brain research in the book do not get alarmed that this is going to be too technical–it’s NOT! In fact, if I were only a bit faster I would have some video that we shot as we were talking last week about the books. In the video you would get …

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Marriage

Confession: My Husband and I Struggle

There is this misconception that I have it made being married to Mr. Family First, Mark Merrill. People love my husband, with good reason. He is all about people and most of all his wife and children. He lives, breathes and eats family as the founder and president of Family First, author of All Pro Dad, speaker, blogger and on and on! However, he is human–a very good sort of human, but human none-the-less. And so I struggle at times to get along with him. I am definitely more human than him, so for every struggle I have listed below I am sure he could list a “counter” struggle that he has with me. The point of this confession is simply this: in our marriage, like the majority of marriages, we have struggles. And it is OK. It doesn’t mean that we made a mistake and married the wrong person. It doesn’t mean that we would be happier with someone else. It doesn’t mean that we need to get a divorce. What it does mean is that we need to struggle to be better at the relationship that we committed to until death do us part. So here are some …

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Marriage

He Had A Bad Day–I Made It Worse

Today was a really hard day for my husband. I believe when I am a “good” wife I have the ability to make a bad day better. I can make him smile. Today I did not. I was disgruntled. I was selfishly bent on voicing my needs and a directive on how he could and should be a “good” husband. I did not know it would be a hard day. Things just happened. But I do know, now, that I made it worse. I am sorry.

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Marriage

When a Cheeto Marries a Dorito

When a Cheeto marries a Dorito it can work, but it is not easy because they are different chips. I am a Cheeto – mild, munchy crunchy, not very sharp and predictably cheesy. My husband is a Dorito – bold, powerfully crunchy, sharp if you are not careful how you chew and often accompanied by dips. We look alike – both chips, but we operate very differently. Sometimes the Cheeto doesn’t want to be in the same bowl with the Dorito. Sometimes the Cheeto doesn’t like the dips that come with the Dorito. When that happens the Cheeto needs to remember that all those dips – the smooth guacamole, the spicy salsa, and the rich queso are what attracted her to the Dorito. That’s all, just remember. A Cheeto must remember how exciting the bold Dorito is. And be thankful. When a Cheeto marries a Dorito she must be thankful that the Dorito adds spice to her life and that her bowl is never boring.

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Marriage

Sorry Flowers

The sorry flowers delivery was ten days in the making. I moved on Friday, in the Florida, August heat, after a year of not seeing my stuff that was boxed by strangers after the flood and stored for a year. I unpacked, sorted, sifted, and purged for four days until 2:00 a.m. because the workman were demanding my attention from 8:00 a.m. until 5:00 p.m. and I couldn’t get in, out and around them to unpack. On day five, I loaded my daughter’s car, drove nine hours and for two days I moved her into her dorm. This time it was the Alabama, August heat. Could it be any hotter? We unloaded the overloaded car then we made two trips to and from a storage unit. Storage. It is a bad word for me. On the evening of day eight I returned to Tampa and I was… So So So Tired. The house was still teeming with workman, way too many of the boxes (there were 122) were still waiting for me and my superman husband was fired up to get me fired up to take over and finish. LaRue, my mother-in-law, bless her, was on hand and had been …

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