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I am declaring April a month of spring fever for my marriage. 30 days of thinking about Mark instead of being consumed by the kids, work, the book, the house renovation, the move in July, the dog’s scratching allergy, etc, etc, etc. I am hoping the 30 Day Marriage Challenge will shower him with so much love that it produces a blooming summer! Print yours here!
Read Post →And I am not stupid. So when I am hit with the same pang of conviction twice in one week I am smart enough to know God is trying to show me something. Pang #1 hit me during a casual conversation with a friend at the football field. My friend was sharing with me about her husband. She was gushing about him, she said that he amazed her and on and on and on. Hmm, I couldn’t remember the last time I gushed about my husband to anyone. Pang #2 hit at the Family First Annual Dinner. The speaker, Dr. Ben Carson, and his wife sat across from me. They have been married for decades but were adorable together. The entire time he was speaking, his wife, Candy, would smile at him and give a pre-emptory chuckle seconds before every joke. She obviously knew every line well but she still thought he was hysterical. She adored him and every word he spoke as if they had been dating for three months instead of married for thirty years. I’ve got to work on that. Is it my “type” that makes me less enamored, fanciful, adoring? Or is it a lack of …
Read Post →I stand before you a humble, convicted date night killer. Nine times out of ten, if the date goes into sudden death, it was my fault. I have no excuse. It is a simple two-count misdemeanor so deceptively innocent that it can snuff out a date faster than a baby can spit up on a silk blouse. Misdemeanor #1 – a wrong attitude I am on the date with my husband who, by the way, is totally focused on me, desiring only to wine, dine and romance his wife into his arms and, later, into the bedroom. Did I mention that he is totally focused on me? I emphasize because my misdemeanor is the antithesis – I am not focused on him. In fact,
Read Post →We are strong-willed people, my husband and I. And we are not timid about sharing our opinions. So, when Gary Oliver taught us the Rate It Method for resolving conflict, it was a game changer in the Merrill household. (click to tweet) Gary Oliver is not just a psychologist, he is a man with a wife and children. He knows how things go down in a house full of personality. The big difference is he is a Doctor who knows how to study a family dynamic and form solutions for relational optimization (we obviously don’t)! Gary’s theory is that there is a lot of misunderstanding that usually precedes an argument and if you can head that off you will douse the flames before they ignite. Here is how it works…
Read Post →There is power in sensuality. Men are captivated by women on a pole. Until recently, pole practice was left to strippers. Now women can take classes. There is art in dance and it is a beautiful thing. The art in pole dancing has a specific intent and the ad above attests to its intent – sensuality. Pole dancing is used in strip clubs to tease men. Fitness is an admirable objective. Fitness with intent to harness sensuality for power over a man is not admirable.
Read Post →Pin It My husband and I still fight – regularly. Not sure if you would consider it a lot because what is a lot? It’s hard to know if it is a lot or just normal, because my normal may not be your normal. And that’s OK, but some people have been led to think it’s not OK. So many people seem to be giving up on their marriage because they fight too much or have sex too little. How do they know it’s too much or too little?
Read Post →They say opposites attract and looking back I think that was certainly our case. My husband was and is intense and more on the serious side. I was definitely more light-hearted and playful. I planned fun events for us, coordinated our social life and made him laugh. Five kids later and I have become a different woman. Sadly, I am now a lot more like my husband – intense and on the serious side. So I am on a quest to find my husband’s girlfriend. She is in here somewhere and I really miss her more than my husband does. Here is how I have recently encouraged her to come out more. She added emoji to her phone and is now texting cute code pictures to her husband and kids. She is taking pictures of anything humorous and texting that to her husband and kids. I discovered that if she sleeps and exercises a little more, she really is in a better mood (endorphins = inlovephins). She is playing more by saying yes instead of no and trusting that whatever she is in the midst of will get done – later (God can do that you know – expand your …
Read Post →Like those big words? It is my fancy answer to this question I was asked: How does commitment play into relationship success? My theory is that commitment is a synergistic multiplier. Committed couples have twice the energy, twice the creativity, and twice the intelligence. They feed off of each other, enable each other and encourage each other. They give each other the boldness to do and go where they probably wouldn’t go alone. They stand behind each other and contradict enemy whispers of doubt when one gets discouraged. This synergy occurs if there is trust in the relationship. Trust is born when the ‘what if…’ is taken out of the equation. It is available to every couple. It simply requires that you absolutely refuse to accept anything but the fact that we are committed forever. This is not about you or me this is about us. We will do it together. With trust all things become possible and the synergistic multiplier begins. You become a team, the team has synergy and the synergy brings success to whatever you two dream about becoming.
Read Post →As a contributor on Loveishere.com I was asked this question… Get an Oscar, get a divorce? University of Toronto study shows that women who win an Oscar are more likely to get divorced. How can couples in high performance careers keep their relationships on track? Here is my answer… Oscar winners like Sandra Bullock are not the only ones who are busy. If you have children in your home you are a high performance couple! Last week my husband was out of town from Thursday to Sunday. This week I am out of town from Thursday to Sunday. We are all busy! But you can win the game of love (not tennis) with a winning SET – Strategy, Efficiency, and Time. First, develop a strategy. The first thing anyone does in a new job is figure out how and when the boss likes things done. What about your spouse? Be strategic and figure out what your spouse really needs to feel loved. My husband and I got so busy our relationship was crumbling. We had to get strategic. We sat down and answered a simple question – what one thing can I consistently do that would make you feel loved? We …
Read Post →As a contributor on Loveishere.com I was asked this question… Get an Oscar, get a divorce? University of Toronto study shows that women who win an Oscar are more likely to get divorced. How can couples in high performance careers keep their relationships on track? Here is my answer… Oscar winners like Sandra Bullock are not the only ones who are busy. If you have children in your home you are a high performance couple! Last week my husband was out of town from Thursday to Sunday. This week I am out of town from Thursday to Sunday. We are all busy! But you can win the game of love (not tennis) with a winning SET – Strategy, Efficiency, and Time. First, develop a strategy. The first thing anyone does in a new job is figure out how and when the boss likes things done. What about your spouse? Be strategic and figure out what your spouse really needs to feel loved. My husband and I got so busy our relationship was crumbling. We had to get strategic. We sat down and answered a simple question – what one thing can I consistently do that would make you feel loved? We …
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