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Parenting

Parenting

How to Water Our Late Bloomers

My two oldest daughters couldn’t have been more different growing up. Megan was a reserved rule-follower who went through elementary school without ever being in trouble. Emily, on the other hand, was a determined girl with a mind of her own…a mind that just happened to get her sent to the corner twice in her first week of school! The first time she was in trouble, Emily explained that she heard The Little Mermaid playing in her head and had no choice but to sing it out. The second time, she told me how they were playing with Play-Doh, and she desperately needed to find out how it tasted. Needless to say, I began comparing my daughters and worrying about Emily’s future. Pretty soon, I decided it was time to talk with Emily’s kindergarten teacher. I trusted her opinion dearly because of the way she had taught many kids over many years. After sharing my concerns, I’ll never forget her advice. She explained to me that there are 4 ways our kids develop: Physically Emotionally Mentally Socially When we evaluate our kids, we evaluate them based on these 4 components. Some are like Megan, growing at the same pace in all …

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Parenting

Controlling vs. Contributing to Your Child’s Future

I’ve come to the conclusion that every child, whether they admit it or not must be afraid of the dark. I can’t tell you how many times my kids would call me into their rooms and ask me to leave a night-light, or keep the door open so that the monsters in their closets wouldn’t come out. As adults, most of us master the fear from the uncertainty we feel in the dark. But the uncertainty really doesn’t go away, it is still there, because when you cannot see there is a lack of control. You can’t protect yourself from tripping and falling if you can’t see where you are going. You have to feel your way around. As I have parented, I have often been anxious about what I can’t see in my child’s future. Unfortunately, there are so many things I can’t control. Will they fall in with the wrong crowd? Will they hit an academic wall in school? What if they stumble in their beliefs? Will they get stuck into a harmful relationship? But the darkness that I anguish over the most is the darkness of an uncertain future. Life looms ahead and how can I protect …

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Parenting

Does Your Child Shy Away from Competition?

What does your child LOVE to do? Some kids love sports, some love the theatre, and some love making music. But each of these passions holds one thing in common: they all lead to competition. There are soccer championships, school play tryouts, and band performances. Sometimes, our children embrace competition—they love the thrill of healthy rivalry that pushes them to work harder. But other times, our children shy away from competition. Your child’s anxiety towards competing against others usually has to do with one of three things: your child is a people pleaser, your child lacks confidence, or your child has difficulty navigating social settings. So if your child has begun shying away from competition, here are some simple issues and solutions for getting them back on the right track: 1. Issue: Your child is a people-pleaser. Solution: Teach them what healthy competition looks like. With competition comes pressure—pressure from coaches, from teammates, and even from you! If your child is shying away from competition, one possibility is that your child is a people-pleaser and the pressure is becoming too much. In their mind, they feel the pressure from coaches is displeasure in their performance. And because they want to please …

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Parenting

Are You Sending Your Kids Out of Orbit?

When I was a new mom for the first time, one of the strangest things I had to figure out was what it meant to be the absolute center of another person’s universe. Babies and children and even teens rely on their parents for everything—their survival, emotional stability, first social cues, a sense of values, and so much more. Their world is a reflection of ours. That means that when we become parents, our emotional stability is more important than ever before. If we shift out of orbit, we remove the center of our child’s universe and spin them out of control, as well. So how can you make sure you don’t send yourself and your kids out of orbit in such a complicated and crazy world? Read how you can here. Center Yourself First If you have ever flown on an airplane, you’ve certainly heard the safety spiel about what to do in a case where the cabin loses pressure: oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling, and you must secure your own before assisting anyone else. If you don’t take care of yourself first, you will suffocate and won’t be able to help anyone. There have been several times in …

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Parenting

12 Ways to Stay in Touch with Older Children

As my kids have gotten older, I’ve had to get used to less face-to-face time with them. College and career opportunities in different states mean that we don’t see each other around the family dinner table every night anymore. As a mom who craves meaningful communication with all of my children, the adjustment has been pretty hard for me at times. But over the last several years, I’ve learned 12 great ways to stay connected with your kids, no matter their age! Know their schedule. Know their schedule of important events and text them before big tests, interviews, dates, etc. with encouraging words or to let them know you are praying for them. My son’s freshman year he got really sick during exams. I called to check up on how it was going and discovered he was so tired and pressed studying that he didn’t have anything for his cold. I found a grocery delivery service online. Turns out the deliverer was an entrepreneurial young mom who shopped and delivered, toddler in tow to make money. She showed up on his doorstep with Gatorade, snacks, and cold medicine and said this is from your mom—she loves you! He was so thankful …

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Parenting

Are Your Kids Running You Ragged?

Something I’ve learned during my two dozen or so years as a parent is that there’s a fine line between being good parents and spoiling your child. As parents, it’s natural to want to do everything you can for your children…but that does not mean you should make them the center of your universe. It’s bad for the parents, kids, and everyone around you! Every married person with kids needs to be reminded that no matter how much you love your kids, the marriage needs to come first. If that’s not happening, chances are your kids will run you ragged, and you won’t be able to give each other the support you both need! In this podcast, Mark and I explain how you can be a better parent and spouse by not letting your kids become the center of your universe. If that happens, three bad things will inevitably follow: 1. Your marriage will suffer. 2. Your child will suffer. 3. Your child’s friendships will suffer. That all sounds very dramatic and negative, but it’s so true! Making your child the center of your universe inevitably means that you aren’t giving your spouse the attention he or she deserves. It means your …

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Parenting

Train Up a Child to Stand for What Is Right

Proverbs says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” As my children have grown up, we have had many discussions about doing the right thing. Many times they were asked by a teacher or coach to do something that was wrong. They had to really think and apply their training to the situation so that they did not depart from what they knew was right. Even if it meant getting a lower grade or being benched in a game. It’s not easy to speak up in your freshman ethics class and say that abortion is wrong when everyone else in the class accuses you of being anti-feminist. It’s not easy to sit alone in your dorm on a Friday night because your underage friends are partying and getting drunk. It’s not easy saying no to sex with a boyfriend who you think you are in love with and who insists that’s the only way to prove that you love him. It’s not easy seeing someone cheat on an exam you studied all night for and then finding out they got a better grade than you. It’s …

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Parenting

What’s Going on in Your Child’s Heart?

When my kids were young, it was so easy to know what was going on in their heart because it usually came out of their mouth nonstop. The constant stream of random questions along with verbal observations about life provided a wide open window into their heart. I loved it. I just love to help people figure things out—especially little people. But as my little ones grew older, they naturally grew a little more guarded making it difficult to know what was really going on inside their heads. Getting my boys, in particular, to talk can feel like pulling teeth! But engaging my kids is something I am passionate about and very few things provide more peace, especially with teens than knowing what’s going on in your child’s heart. So with fewer words to aid you, you must work on your nonverbal perception. It takes work, but you can hone your perceptiveness to help figure out what your kids are thinking and feeling. How can we be more perceptive? How can we add depth to our perception? Here are four ways. 1. Look How often do we hear or see things that we don’t really mentally process? This is terribly easy to …

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Parenting

5 Answers You Need About Your Teen’s Social Media Use

Nowadays it seems like teenagers are born with an extra appendage attached to their fingertips. You know what I mean. That iPhone they just can’t seem to look up from may as well be a part of their bodies! Spending too much time using social media may be detrimental to your child’s mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Parents need to be aware of their child’s social media habits, especially if it’s a big part of their life. Asking these five simple questions about your teen’s social media use will help you determine whether they have a healthy balance between virtual friendships and face-to-face interactions. 1. Is your teen vain? Proverbs tells us that pride leads to disgrace but with humility comes wisdom. Because of the ability teens now have to speak to hundreds or thousands of people at a time, vanity has become one of the biggest side effects of social media. Take a look at your teen’s Instagram account. How many selfies do you see? What are the captions? Check out their Twitter and Facebook accounts. How often do the status messages or tweets reveal vanity or a self-centered mindset? Pictures, tweets, and status updates can give unique insight …

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Parenting

When to Let Your Child Quit

In our family, we discouraged our children from being quitters from a very young age. If they started a game, they needed to finish it. If they wanted to do an activity, they couldn’t just leave halfway through. Because quitting should only be allowed or encouraged in rare circumstances, we wanted to raise our children to persevere! Earlier this year, one of my daughters faced a difficult decision. She had recently started a good job that utilized her skills and looked good on her résumé, but her manager was dishonest and frequently acted in a way that made her uncomfortable. She came to Mark and me and told us that she wanted to quit her job. On the surface, that didn’t necessarily seem like the best move for a young, recent college graduate! But when we analyzed the situation using three important questions, we realized that this was one situation where quitting was good and were able to help her make the wise decision of leaving her compromising work environment. At some point, every parent will hear from their child the words, “I quit.” When our kids are younger, it’s usually something that’s not a big deal, like a game the child …

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