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Parenting

Mommy, why are you crying?

“Mommy, why are you crying?” “I am not crying.” “Mommy, why is daddy so mad about the new couch?” “Daddy has a lot on his mind.” Simple questions, simple evasions. But kids are not that simple – they have incredible imaginations. It’s like this: Have you ever read a best-seller and then watched the movie version? No matter how big the film budget is, the movie is never as good as what you envisioned while reading the book. In your mind, as you read that novel, the images are vivid, the plot is captivating, and the uncertainty is nail-biting. That’s because our imaginations allow us to fill in the blanks of a story. And have you noticed? Our imaginations have no limits. So, when we’re not open and honest with our kids in a positive manner, we are giving them permission to use their imaginations to fill in the blanks of our ever-changing story (daddy getting laid off, moving, financial distress, divorce, death, health issues, a new baby, etc)—not good. Because whatever your child’s imagination provides in response to your story is likely to be much scarier than what is really going on. So give them the security they crave …

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Parenting

Katy Perry. Appropriate or Not?

Dear Matt, Meredith, Ann and Al, What a great question you ask about Katy Perry’s Sesame Street video with Elmo—What is and isn’t appropriate for children? (see Today show ) This is my “mom” take. What a simple fix this could have been. The video with Elmo was entertaining and appropriate in content. All Katy needed was a mere two extra inches of fabric across the top of her otherwise adorable costume. That is the good news. The deeper, more important question is—was Katy’s recent performance on the Today show appropriate for children? A month ago, Katy was featured at one of your well-attended concerts in Rockefeller Center, promoting her new cotton candy-scented CD, Teenage Dream. This performance was the reverse of the Sesame Street performance. Her wardrobe had the extra fabric and was therefore appropriate. What was inappropriate for children was the content of the performance. The Today show concert was dreamily feminine, all pink cotton candy and lollipops. In attendance were young, wide-eyed girls totally enraptured by the vision in front of them. The target market, based on the pink cotton candy, lollipop set and tutu wardrobed dancers, was obviously 5 – 10-year-old girls. Yet the content of …

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Parenting

How Strong are your Child’s “Icky Borders”?

Children have “icky” borders and that is a good thing. Not sure who told me about this concept, but it helped me shift my thinking about my kids. Icky borders are natural lines that children instinctively don’t feel comfortable crossing. This natural caution would be the reason most little girls hate getting their hands dirty, why smoking doesn’t make sense to most eight year olds, and why the idea of sex is disgusting to an eleven year old—at least it should be. I personally think it is a God-given instinct to keep them safe. The problem is this – we tend to rub out the icky borders leaving our children exposed. We do it all the time with trends that push the borders. Have you seen pictures of teenage girls in bikinis splattered with mud? Pictures can push borders. Remember when the top news (for months!) was about our president having oral sex? Not one, but two of my teacher friends had to start doing bathroom patrols in their middle schools because children had been caught having oral sex in the bathroom – an icky border had been rubbed out. The upsetting thing is that it is so easy to …

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Parenting

The Comparison Game

Do you ever compare your children to each other, or to kids outside of your family? iMOM Ambassador Lauren Dungy tells me why, with her seven children, she avoids playing the comparison game.

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Parenting

Open Heart Surgery

As I prepared dinner one night, I was feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and practically beat up by my day. When my husband walked in the door I greeted him with a relieving smile and a turned cheek. No kiss on the lips—I was just too tired for that. As he planted a peck he smiled and said, “Guess what? I got courtside tickets for Marky and me to go see the Magic game!” He was excited. And why wouldn’t he be? These tickets were free from a friend. Our teenage son plays basketball and time alone with him is rare. They would have a blast together…without me. I could feel it coming – I couldn’t stop it. My response poured from a deep pool of self pity. I did not emit understanding and joy for him. Instead, I burst into tears, methodically stirring them into a boiling pot of noodles. And then I boiled over—if he was going to leave me behind with all of the drudgery then he deserved to understand what my day had been like. I chose to close the door of my heart. I chose annoyance over joy. I chose myself over him. When given the choice …

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Parenting

THAW Before You Say “Yes”

Has this ever happened to you? You’re staring at your family calendar. On deck for tomorrow is an order for 30 cupcakes for your child’s class-pizza-party—which you haven’t started, because today you were making and delivering a meal for a friend that just had a baby. You’ve also agreed to pick up the pizza on your way in with the cupcakes. To make matters worse, you have a huge project at work with a looming deadline, and you volunteered to lead Women’s Bible Study. The children are screaming for dinner, and countless other tasks are screaming in your head, when you suddenly realize that it’s only Monday. Your whole week has already been accounted for – before you’ve gotten through the first day! You’ve overextended yourself and your family, again! The question is, for what? As Moms, we pile it on like the first round of Thanksgiving dinner! Even though we know more will make us feel tired, sick, and unhealthy; we keep passing our plate around. So, why do we feel the need to say “Yes.” to everything? I’m not sure if it’s all men, but my husband always gives an initial “No.” to every question. Growing up my …

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Parenting

Moms Speak Out on Beauty Obsession

Where do moms need to draw the line with their children, and themselves, when it comes to the pursuit of beauty? In this video I talk with two moms about society’s push for perfection. What do you think about today’s beauty options? How far is too far? How will you teach your daughter to steer clear of beauty obsession with beauty balance?

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Parenting

Tug of War

In recent weeks, I’ve noticed a pattern emerging in my parenting. As each of my children starts to pull away a little—asserting their independence, I tend to want to pull them right back. Sometimes I think it’s a natural maternal reaction. Sometimes I think it is doubt mixed with fear – they are just not ready. Sometimes it is my heart struggling to keep them close to me, cuddling on the couch—as if. Whatever causes it, I know that my tugging and pulling only causes anxiety and frustration in both of us. Emily will be off to college in just a few short weeks. She’ll be living on her own, making grown up decisions, and going to class without me pushing her out the door in the morning. While I know she’s more than capable of excelling in college, this summer I had a hard time treating her with the respect—that over the years—she’s earned from me. Instead, I was over parenting her with what my mind saw as last minute training opportunities. She, of course, saw it differently! Both of us were pulling in opposite directions making mommy-ing unfun. The result was a lot of bickering. I took a …

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