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Parenting

It Makes Me a Little Crazy When My Kids Lie

Sometimes, moms just have this nagging sense that something is not ringing true, but they can’t act on it because they don’t know what it is. Three of my children were/are prone to lying. One child lied out of pride. If she did something wrong she would be so ashamed she would rather lie than admit it. Her lying was fairly easy to address. When she was little, if she lied to cover up something we would sit down with her and tell her we knew she was lying. If she told us the truth there would either be no consequence or a simple one that fit the offense. If she didn’t tell the truth, she would get a spanking. Since she was little it was easy to identify her lies, and since she did not like spankings it was effective. She learned that it was better to humble herself and admit wrongdoing than to feed her pride and cover it up with lies. My other two children who lied were adopted from a situation where lying was a survival skill. Lying at an older age is much more complicated because the kids are smarter, the opportunities are greater and …

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Parenting

Thankful Children

What are children most thankful for this Thanksgiving? Deep down, we know they’re really thankful for the important things in life, like family and friends. But, of course, that’s not always what comes to their mind first.

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Parenting

Call Me Crazy

But I would follow my kids anywhere. Thank goodness they haven’t asked me to go sky diving. So, when you’ve washed the last dish this Thanksgiving and finally plopped yourself on the couch and propped your feet up, think of me. I will be on my feet – following my crazy girls in their favorite sport – shopping. My girls took their sport to a new level last year, taking advantage of a weakened economy and reduced budget. Their strategy revolved around one concept – SALE. With an outlet mall 40 minutes away, and the SALE starting at midnight, I found myself climbing into the car with a large latte at 11:00 p.m. last Thanksgiving instead of my comfy bed. I don’t know if it was the late night latte or my innate competitive spirit that took over when 1 mile from our exit we came to a complete stop. A line had formed – a mile long line – on the highway to turn off for the mall. We could see the lights, we could see the circling cars in the parking lot. One of my daughters descended into pit of defeat. “We will never get there, we will …

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Parenting

Coping with My Daughter’s Illness

We discovered our daughter’s illness the summer of her 16th year. Looking back, the warning signs had been there for probably three or four months; I just didn’t put it all together. She was tired so much of that last quarter of school, but I thought it was just too much going on. She was moody, but I rationalized that she was just being a girl. The symptom that did it was the tan. Emily, in princess terms, was our Snow White – dark hair, white skin. She didn’t like her inability to tan like her siblings, so as we began to go to the lake and she grew brown, she was elated. She commented on it multiple times to me. Again, I discounted it, thinking she must be in some strange puberty thing. But the tan stuck. I remember her sitting on my lap and trying to take my wedding ring off so she could try it on. My attention was focused on her hands as I was resisting giving up my ring. Her fingers were so tan they just didn’t look like hers. It is funny how you know your child. This is not right, I thought. I …

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Parenting

Provocative Peer Pressure

One February day I had lunch at the mall with two friends. As we were settling our tabs, they decided that before we left, we needed to go to Victoria’s Secret to get our husbands a Valentine’s Day gift. They had obviously done this before and seemed to be jointly aware of the plan. My curiosity has always been much greater than my fear of others thinking I am uncool, so my imagination went into action and my mouth followed. What were they going to buy? How did they deliver the present? What were their husband’s expectations? How did this get started? They explained their intentions were to purchase some sexy lingerie for a romantic rendezvous. They acted surprised that I wasn’t on the same page. They encouraged me to give it a try and expressed real concern for the health of my marriage. Surely, I wasn’t meeting my husband’s sexual needs by not being more creative in the bedroom. I admit I was offended. My husband and I actually make love a lot, and enjoy it. What exactly were they implying? Would my marriage fail if I didn’t dress up and act provocatively? I didn’t succumb to the …

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Parenting

Does Your Daughter Think She is Beautiful?

I have three daughters and all of them have, at times, been disappointed in their appearance. It always makes me sad. Today I read about a new danger on the web—anorexia support websites. These sites are not communities supporting recovery…they are communities of girls encouraging each other in the pursuit of thinness. Their comments made me very sad. They are so unhappy with the way they look. The article stated that the number-one recommended therapy for anorexic girls was family based therapy. I would surmise then, that the number-one way to keep your daughter from dangerously obsessing with her looks starts with you! Share with your daughter how beautiful she is! Here are some of my favorite videos that you can watch with her. The last one is a little graphic, so watch it yourself before you show your daughter. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYhCn0jf46U&feature=player_detailpage

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Parenting

The Mean Mom Club

What does it take to earn membership into the Mean Mom club? These children share how their moms live up to the Mean Mom code. Are you ready to take the Mean Mom Pledge? Let your kids know you’re committed to these 11 Ways to be the Meanest Mom.

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Parenting

The No Answer, Answer

One day I was riding in the car with my mother in law. She is lovely! I mean it—she kind of floats along in this happy, Pollyannaish bubble that my more intense, analytical nature can only keep afloat for about three minutes. We picked up the kids from school, and the curve balls started coming towards me at 95 miles per hour from every direction. All I heard was a cacophony of “Mom, can I…” None of the requests were outlandish, but none were possible because we had plans. I just hate having to shoot them down. So I braced myself for the fast balls I knew were coming next – “Mom, I never get to…” It was a familiar scene, but it rapidly dispelled as my mother in law effortlessly distracted them with happy questions about their day. She is so smooth. It got me thinking. How did she handle such barrages when she was raising three strong-willed boys? So I asked her. And her Pollyannaish answer was – she would smile and drive. That’s it. No answer. She would smoothly talk about the wonder of the day until they had settled down and moved on. She had all …

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Parenting

Your Life – Would You Sacrifice it for Your Kids?

When I say, “I would do anything for my kids,” I envision the ultimate sacrifice. I picture an attacker approaching one of my children with a crazed look in his eye. Resolved to defend them, I fearlessly step in between their life and a loaded gun. I save them. I’ll admit—it’s a little dramatic. The real problem is, I often think in terms of physical risk to my children’s safety, and forget it’s their emotional and spiritual wholeness that is often in the line of fire. I miss the opportunity to thwart a coming attack because it’s not as readily visible as say, staring down the barrel of a gun. More often, “do anything to protect my children” requires simple, everyday sacrifices on my part. Am I willing to model love and honor for their father—even when I don’t feel like it? Will I model forgiveness to an “undeserving” family member? Will I work less? Spend less? Say “No.” to them even when saying “Yes.” is easier? Will I turn off my computer and get off my cell phone? Will I be joyful in the midst of struggle? Those are the kinds of sacrifices that make up the everyday life …

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