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From Susan Merrill

The Blog

Parenting

How to Balance Your Helicopter Tendencies

I saw a very funny skit on helicopter parents. At the time I laughed, even though the skit kind of convicted me about a couple of things I do for my kids. Days later I started to get annoyed because my laughter had turned to paranoia. Was I a helicopter mom? What exactly is a helicopter parent? Wikipedia says: Helicopter parent is a colloquial, early 21st-century term for a parent who pays extremely close attention to his or her child’s or children’s experiences and problems, particularly at educational institutions. OK, so is this a bad thing? I guess the push-it-over-the-edge word in the helicopter definition is extremely. I felt some relief about that – I must not be a helicopter mom. Because of my schedule, I don’t have time to do anything to the extreme. I do, however, pay close attention to my children’s experiences and problems. The helicopter mom definition led me to another question. Why isn’t there a name for the opposite kind of mom? That’s a much bigger problem in my opinion. So here is my colloquial, early 21st-century term for a mom who doesn’t care – Submarine Mom. Submarine mom is a term for a parent who doesn’t …

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Marriage

How Your Husband’s Friend Can Help Your Communication

It is amazing, seriously, miraculously amazing what an objective point of view can do for your marriage. Mark and I have had communication struggles forever. We have earnestly tried different ways to make each other see our point. We have made progress but nothing compared to the “communication epiphany” that occurred on our vacation with the Hohfelers. It was a very simple, natural, unplanned inspiration, but in my life it was a game-changer. The Hohfelers have been friends forever, but they moved years ago. They are funny, like-minded and very real. Don’t you love REAL friends? Real friends are an “ahhhhhhhhh” for me–a breath of fresh air–a release from expectations. We miss the Hohfelers all the time. So we planned an unplanned quiet getaway, no agenda just drift together. But in the quiet, not so quiet because there is much laughter between Mark and Jay and much chatter between Beth and I, Jay made some observations about Mark and I. AND he decided to challenge Mark about them. Don’t we all need REAL friends? They are a window into our lives that we can open without fear of getting cold, wet, or sick. Jay observed (you can read his total …

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Parenting

How You Can Prepare To Help Your Child In School

If you want to be prepared to to help your child do well in school, it is important that you have good relationships with all of the people who intersect with your child’s life at school and after school. They will help you prepare a plan for your child by guiding you with information about your child’s development and behavior. Here are some examples of people with whom you should have sound relationships, as well as a few tricks you can use to put yourself in a position to interact with them if you are not overtly social: 1. The parents of your child’s friends. One way to get to know other parents is to offer to drive for the car pool to movies or play dates. Call ahead of time and chat about the arrangements. Then, when you pick up a child, get out of the car, go to the door, and introduce yourself to the parents. Every mother loves to hear compliments about her child, so when you return, let her know if her son or daughter was polite and you will have a friend in her before you know it. 2. Teachers. Volunteer in the classroom, go to every conference and open house, attend class performances, chaperone on field trips, and join the PTA. Every …

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Parenting

It’s What A Mom Must Do: Poop Clean Up!

I met Chrystal a year ago. Her father, Tony Evans, was the speaker at our Family First Dinner and Awards. Her sister, Priscilla Shirer, was also there to receive the iMOM award and her brother Anthony Evans sang. Amazing family! That night each of them had a memorable take-away for me, but it was Chrystal that I was most drawn to. For some reason God opened a door in the over-scheduled evening for a few moments to really talk. A few moments is all you need because Chrystal is real, warm and one of those moms that I know, without a doubt, would be a sweet friend if she lived in Tampa. Like me, Chrystal is a mom of 5 and was happily living the anonymous mommy life when she was led to write, Kingdom Woman, with her dad. We have traded several messages about that craziness–writing, working and kids! I started the book this morning and she had me from the first line. I expected no less we are kindred moms for sure. Here is a taste of this real woman, a real mom, dealing with a very real toddler problem–poop! By Chrystal Evans Hurst When my middle son, Kanaan …

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Parenting

Do You Have A Plan For Your Child?

No matter where your parenting path takes you, you must know that you would not have been given the privilege if you were not up to the responsibility. And that responsibility includes having a plan for the life of your child. Without a plan you are leaving your child to chance. According to author and former chairman of Thomas Nelson Publishers Michael Hyatt, few of us have a plan for our own lives. How much less do we plan our children’s? I have met very few people who have a plan for their lives. Most are passive spectators, watching their lives unfold a day at a time. They may plan their careers, the building of a new home, or even a vacation. But it never occurs to them to plan their life. As a result, many end up discouraged and disillusioned, wondering where they went wrong. We could say the same thing about our children’s lives: I have met very few moms who

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Parenting

How To Know When Your Child Is Ready To Make Choices

Choices–lots of choices. Too many choices. I get confused by the multitude of choices, so kids must be uber confused! Whether your child is 5, 10 or 15 years old they will be required to learn to choose and choose well from the oodles of options surrounding them. No child will escape the forceful that will daily demand that they choose and so every child must learn to make wise choices on the path to adulthood. Little children make little choices and are rewarded by being given bigger choices. The problem arises when little children are given the opportunity to make big choices or lots of choices—or worse, they contest a choice their mothers have already made. Here’s an example: MOM: Honey, we’re going to the zoo, so please put your sneakers on. CHILD: I don’t want to wear my sneakers. I want to wear my sparkle shoes. MOM: But we’ll be walking a lot, and your tennis shoes are comfy. CHILD: So are my sparkle shoes. MOM: I don’t think they are . . . and we need to go. CHILD: But, Mommy! MOM: Okay, okay. If you think you will be okay, wear them. Two things could happen here. On the one hand, the child may end up …

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Parenting

Love Your Child By Praying For Them

It happens more than I would like. I shift from praying for my kids and trusting God for every aspect of their lives out of my control to worrying as if I alone can do something about it. I always end up shifting back. I want to enjoy my children before they are grown. Worry kills the joy. So I shift back and pray. Prayer is guaranteed panic prevention. Prayer allows me to let go and enjoy parenting. Some of you may be thinking there has to be another way. Prayer is so inconclusive—I can do this. I can figure out something more concrete.

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Encouragement

Bouncing Back When You Are Overcome

Sometimes I am overcome. Thoughts press down on me. My failures as a mom and a wife and a daughter and an employee and a friend grow vaporously before my eyes until they tower over me. I am overcome by the dark shadow of knowledge of what I have failed to do. I have spent time in this dark place. I have visited enough now to recognize when I am on my way again. I try not to allow it. I choose to bounce back to the light by focusing on my immeasurable value. As a child of God I am forgiven for my failures. I am human and I make mistakes. It is part of my fallen nature. God does not want me to waste time wallowing in dark despair. He forgives me. I have to forgive myself. I am not perfect. I have to focus on my immeasurable value in ways that are not always apparent but so very important. I have immeasurable value because I would give up anything for my child… I have immeasurable value because I will meet needs for my child… I have immeasurable value because I care for every detail of my child’s life… …

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Parenting

Teaching Children Patience

Teaching your kids patience. It sure doesn’t come easy, but it’s an important lesson you’ll teach your kids for the rest of their lives! Use these simple actions to help your child or children develop patience. Start a Conversation: In the calm moments, ask your child important questions like, “Why do you lose your patience?” “How?” Make a Plan to Play: Camping is a great way for children to learn that the best things in life take patience. Plan an indoor camping trip and live like old-time pioneers. In this way, they get to “experience” having to use their patience. Never Stop Learning: Moms can learn a lesson in patience too! In teaching your children patience, you can learn how to love your child with patience.

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Encouragement

A Story Unfinished

Matt sent me his book, A Story Unfinished: 99 Days with Eliot as a gift several weeks ago. A friend provided this weekend on the beach to rest and read. The combination was what Matt would call a rainbow just for me. I know Matt and his story; I did not know that he had the rare gift to write words never conceived in my literarily finite mind but echoed in my heart. The page above was the beginning of what spoke to my heart in Matt’s words…

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