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From Susan Merrill

The Blog

Parenting

How a Pet Can Bring Your Family Together

When my youngest turned five I knew it was time to get a pet but with 5 kids and the responsibilities that go with them I was not looking forward to adding to my list with a dog. So I researched and found a site where I could put in exactly what I needed — a smart, obedient, playful, patient dog. One that wouldn’t run away every time a child forgot to close the gate! Then I prayed for the best dog ever and we got her–our Gidget–girl midget–Miniature Australian Shepherd. When Gidget died we were all with her. She was so sweet she waited for my girls to get home from college. Everyone of us was painfully aware of her absence. My sons were in high school and couldn’t get used to the emptiness. My daughters in college were reminded every time they came home and she wasn’t there to greet them. It didn’t take long for them to start talking about another dog. My husband was adamant–no dog. He knew we were on the road to being empty nesters. He saw no benefit in having a dog to board every time we wanted to visit kids and travel. …

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Parenting

Confession: I Stifled My Child’s Creativity with Correction

I believe I am the director of iMOM just to have a platform to share all of my mistakes in the hopes that you won’t make them! So here I go again with another confession. This confession is along the same lines as my confession last week about expecting too much from my children. I have a creative child–an artiste, with an artist’s temperament. Ever since she was a child I have been correcting her on how to clean/arrange/organize her room. She often drove me crazy with her collections of stuff. Her room seemed, to me, to be a living pictorial of her mood. It constantly changed. A place for everything and everything in its place had no meaning to her. Everything had a different place depending on her creative inspiration that day. Sometimes her ideas were amazingly orderly and other times distractingly disorderly. I corrected that creativity constantly. Honey, your shoes go in the closet, not lined up under your dresser. Sweetie, all of your art supplies go in your desk drawers not in shoe boxes stacked in the corner. I was wrong. I just didn’t see it–her creative mind fighting to find expression in the space in her room. And …

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Marriage

Are You A Jiminy Cricket In Your Marriage?

Do you remember Pinocchio’s little friend? The one the blue fairy sent to watch out for him? The one that sang, “…and always let your conscience be your guide!” His name was Jiminy Cricket. I’ve got a tough question for you today–are you a Jiminy Cricket to your husband? I’ve realized that I assume that role quite a bit. It’s never my intention, nor do I believe it’s my job, but I do it anyway. Do any of you find yourselves doing the same thing—being your husband’s conscience? I’m learning that I was never meant to be his Jiminy Cricket. In fact, the more I chirp at him (without him asking for my perspective), the more he doubts himself, his talent, his skills, and his ideas. I become a confidence-stealer, instead of a cheer-leader. Maybe that’s the reason the quarterback always went after the cheerleader. What man doesn’t want a girl encouraging him to, “Go! Fight! Win!”? How awful would it be for him to look at the sidelines only to see her screaming, “Just hurry up and throw the ball! Ugh! We’re gonna lose! HURRY!” As his wife, I know he has great insight and intuition, can successfully run a company, …

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Parenting

Confession: I Expected Too Much of My Kids

Expectations. They can disappoint, discourage and totally deflate a mom. Here is my theory about why we are at a disadvantage when we attach ourself to expectations. Expectations are not well thought out and therefore often unrealistic. Expectations do not provide for unforeseen circumstances. Expectations are based on our control but we are not in control. Expectations most often err on the side of being to high. I err. Often. I expected too much. To convince you of my guilt I would like to present several exhibits. Exhibit #1 is my youngest child. He was adopted at the age of nine. Despite all of the warnings I received about the number of years it would take to recover the first nine years of neglect, I had expectations that I could do whatever needed to be done. Nine years later and I am still not done! Exhibit #2 is one of my middle children. She was diagnosed with Addison’s Disease. Despite all of the medical advice I received, I expected that if we were diligent with vitamins and medicine she could maintain her current level of over-achievement in school. Four exhausting years later she scaled back her commitments and found a …

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Parenting

8 Things a Mom Should Teach Her Son to Look for in a Girl

One day my son is going to fall in love, leave us, and cleave to his new wife. Until then, I have the opportunity to teach him to think before he gives his heart away. The girl he loves can either be a distraction or she can be the wind beneath his wings–encouraging and inspiring him. Here are my thoughts on 8 things I want my son to look for in a girl. You may want to add more ideas in the comments for other moms to think about. There has to be at least a dozen that I didn’t think of! If you have a daughter you can find 8 Things a Mom Should Teach her Daughter to Look for in a Boy here. Look for a Lady. Look for a girl that is admired for how she handles herself. A girl who treats others kindly, dresses modestly, and speaks with wisdom will make you proud and help you to find favor with others. Look for Inner Beauty. Look beyond great legs or a pretty smile in order to seek a girl’s heart. Know that her inner beauty will always outshine and outlast her outward appearance. Look for Thoughtfulness. …

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Encouragement

Suddenly Single

Christy is a dear friend of mine. I was with her on the night she lost her husband. She was suddenly, without any warning, the single mom of three of cutest pea-pops, ever . Her walk since that night has been nothing short of courageous and inspirational to me. She has been a beautiful picture of contrasts: vulnerable yet strong, crushed yet hopeful, exhausted yet persevering. She recently reached a point in her journey where she is ready to share. And I am deeply thankful for the opportunity to learn from the wisdom God is pouring into her. A guest blog post from Christy Davis: Almost seven months ago, I entered the world and label of being a “single mom.” I had been blessed with a wonderful husband of almost nine years who shared so much of a parenting partnership with me. From the time we brought home our first child from the hospital over seven years ago, he shared in the feedings, sleepless nights, sick days, and bedtime routines. I know some might say that I was royally spoiled to have a husband who was so hands-on and involved, and I probably would have to agree. The suddenness of …

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Encouragement

Serving Family Meals with Laughter And Love

I have to smile inside every time I think about Family Week. It makes me smile to think of how I would explain this to my grandmother. She would look surprised and, in all honesty, probably confused too. I chuckle because my grandmother would not understand why there is a family week. Both of my grandparents on my dad’s side emigrated from Italy with their families. Each of my grandparents had nine brothers and sisters; their life was family. Every Saturday, my grandmother and her sisters would get together in her basement and cook for the upcoming week. (Yep, she had two kitchens. The one she really cooked in and the one upstairs that she simply reheated and served from.) They met on Saturdays because they were all working girls; my grandmother was a seamstress. But that didn’t stop them from the serious Italian business of serving fresh pasta, sauce, bread, pizzelles, cannolis, and every Italian delicacy you can think of each night of the week. They would cook all day Saturday and on Sunday they would start the week with a big, extended family dinner. Adults and kids alike were comforted and filled with deliciousness, and we talked and …

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Encouragement

10 Ways for Busy Women to Make and Keep Friends

I missed a college reunion. It killed me, it still does. It was my fault. I had plans to go. I had a reservation, I had roomies from college to go with and I paid. But I didn’t go. I didn’t get organized enough to get my kids ready for college early, I didn’t get ahead at work and I didn’t allow any time for the unexpected. And the unexpected happened. My dog broke her leg and I ended up on the seriously short side of a packed schedule. I choked and I cancelled. And all weekend long I watched the fun from facebook and boohooed with self-pity. Do not be me in this situation because friends–old and new–are an investment that you have to keep up with. So lesson learned! Here are 10 ways busy women like me need to make and keep friends. Let’s hope I remember.

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Parenting

8 Things a Mom Should Teach Her Daughter to Look for in a Boy

Every young girl dreams of a fairy-tale romance. So what kind of prince should I be teaching my daughters to look for? Look for a Gentleman. A young man should open the door for you, stand when you sit at a table, and carry heavy bags for you. Polite gestures like these reflect an inner dignity you’ll want in a husband. Look for Honor. Be sure to observe the way a young man treats his parents. He should always honor them not because of their performance, but because of their position as his mother and father. Look for Respect. You deserve a young man who will treasure you enough to respect your body as belonging to your future husband alone. He should also know how to respect that your emotions and feelings are special, not things to be played with. Look for Integrity. Look for a young man who lives out his morals daily, not just when you are around. You want someone who will have actions that reflect his words. Look for Responsibility. Don’t expect perfection from the man you’re going to marry. But DO expect him to own up and apologize right away when he makes a mistake. Look for Hard Work. Find someone …

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