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Parenting

How to Discipline Your Child

It’s such a struggle to discipline our kids. I think it’s a struggle because it doesn’t feel good and it’s not fun. We had children to love them and nurture them and see them grow, so to talk about what they did wrong, or trying to train them not to do things that are wrong… let’s just say it’s difficult and uncomfortable. It doesn’t give us that loving feeling that we wanted with our kids but we know it’s necessary. It helps me to think of discipline like this: it is simply training your child in right behavior, a turning in the right direction. So how do you discipline a child? Mark and I talked about it in a recent podcast and came up with three things we need to do to discipline well. Be unified. If you and your husband are unified, your child will get a better sense of understanding what you believe is right. If you and your husband can’t agree and argue about it in front of your child, your child won’t be clear on what you believe or your expectations for him. So seek unity with your husband, but not necessarily the general public, because …

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Parenting

6 Ways to Know You’re Being a Good Parent {Podcast}

Can you know how to be a good parent? The answer is yes. This is an important topic because we so often doubt ourselves, especially when our children go through tough phases. We tend to feel like it’s our fault and we look back and say, “Uh-oh, how did I fail in these areas?” Today I want to assure you that there are lots of things you’re probably doing right. Here are some ways you can know that you’re being a good parent. When your children share their fears and dreams with you. When my Mom died I realized that she was my go-to confidante. She had built a relationship with me where I trusted her and could be vulnerable with her. It made me want to be a mom who would listen to my kids, so they would know they had a place to go. When your children want to spend one-on-one time with you. We had two girls first and then a boy. Our girls are not quiet, and they let me know when they wanted to do something with me. Our son was quiet and stepped into the background when the girls asserted themselves. I felt I …

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Parenting

8 Lies Your Teen Believes {Podcast}

We often don’t understand what’s going on in the heads of our teenagers. In my case, this happened with one of my boys. He was such a good, compliant child that when he hit the teenage years I really didn’t know that he was having a lot of self-doubt. He based it on things that had happened to him that he perceived incorrectly. Even if you think your child is fine, be alert during these years and have regular conversations so the following lies don’t take root. Here are the 8 Lies Your Teen Believes. No one understands me. This is something you often hear because they’re maturing and they don’t want to be treated as a child. Part of handling this lie is listening, not always correcting or offering a solution, but empathy. Let them spout off. Let them see that you get it. Being popular will make me happy. You actually might not want your child to be popular, but they do need to feel a part of a group and have friends. Help them see that they want to choose friends who make good choices and are kind to others. If I don’t ace this test, I’ll never get into college. …

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Parenting

5 Ways Parents Frustrate Their Teens {Podcast}

I loved it when my children were babies. I also loved it when they were teenagers—really, I did. Yes, there were challenges, but the bonds we formed during those years will last us a lifetime. What’s the key to parenting teenagers? In this podcast episode, Mark and I talk about how first, you’ll need to transition from being a little-people parent to a big-people parent. We have to accept that their mind has changed, how they think has changed, they want to start exercising their ability to make their own choices. That’s just natural. They’re like the little bird getting ready to fly. So tell yourself, “A change is happening here and I need to shift gears.” With that in mind, take a look at the five ways parents frustrate their teens. Parents make all of their teens’ decisions for them. You want to let your teen make her own decisions when she’s ready. So how do you know she has the maturity to do that? It’s tricky. I’ve said this often to my kids after they’ve asked for more freedom or a new privilege, “Show me you are ready.” It’s not an age thing. It depends on the child. …

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Parenting

How to Raise Your Child to Be a Leader {Podcast}

Mark and I both had leadership positions in college. He was president of an on-campus leadership group and I was president of my sorority. But we’ve tried to teach our children a broader sense of leadership–the power of influence in daily life. There’s a question we asked our kids a lot over the years, especially during middle school and high school: Are your friends having more of an influence on you, or are you having more of an influence on them? We wanted them to understand that being a leader was about how they chose to use their influence. And the reason we want our children to be influencers is that we want them to be a leader of good choices. Here’s how to teach your child to be a leader. Be willing to stand apart. Start teaching this as early as you can. When our children were young we were careful about what movies they watched. Well one time Megan was at a sleepover and the girls started a movie Megan knew wasn’t appropriate, so she asked the babysitter if she could go upstairs and play. She was okay with being different. When you encourage this kind of response …

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Marriage

4 Things to Do When Your Spouse Is Feeling Down {Podcast}

Mark has been dealing with back pain for the past few months. It’s getting better, but there are still days he doesn’t feel 100 percent. For someone as on-the-go as Mark, this experience has, at times, caused him to get discouraged. I’ve tried to be there for Mark, to encourage him and let him know I understand what he’s dealing with. It’s not always easy, but it’s part of being a supportive spouse. Mark has been there for me when I’ve gone through down times; now it’s my turn to be there for him. In this podcast, Mark and I share 4 Things to Do When Your Spouse is Feeling Down. Empathize. When someone shows you empathy you immediately feel that you’re not alone. It’s more powerful than offering a solution because it shows you understand. Do your best to show empathy every day for as long as your husband needs your support. If you don’t, he’ll feel like you’re getting frustrated with him. Thank him for being transparent. When your husband reaches out to you or shares what’s bringing him down, say something like this: “I’m so glad you told me. I could tell you were down.” Encourage him …

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Parenting

How to Break Your Child’s Sense of Entitlement

A familiar trope in movies and TV shows for kids, tweens, and teens is kids complaining that they didn’t get something they think they deserve. They complain about a teacher giving them a poor grade. They whine to their friends about their parents giving them an early curfew or not letting them go to a party. They call coaches dumb when they don’t make the team. They expect other people to bend over backwards doing things for them, with younger siblings and “dorky” friends frequently falling victim to their demands. The scary thing is that this theme, used for comedic value in the entertainment targeted at our children, is far too often found in the real world. Have you ever been shocked to find that your child believes they deserve something, that they are entitled to something they clearly haven’t earned? An entitlement is something that is granted to someone without them having to earn it. It is given without any effort. And unfortunately, our culture is encouraging our children’s sense of entitlement. My husband, Mark, asked me to join him on this podcast to tackle the worrisome trend of entitlement that is growing in recent generations and has become all too …

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Marriage

8 Challenges Every Marriage Will Face

I have seen many newlyweds start their lives together under the blissful delusion that they will never face any problems in their marriage. Unfortunately, that is never the case, and not having a realistic view can lead married couples to feel disillusioned and disappointed. Marriage is one of the most wonderful and fulfilling things in the world, but it’s SO important to discuss the realities of married life and understand that all marriages go through seasons, some of them good and others not so good. If couples are aware that a marriage challenge can and will arise, they can prepare to face and overcome them together. So in this podcast, Mark and I share 8 challenges every marriage will face and how to work through them as a team. 8 Marriage Challenges Finances Raising Teens Communication Busyness Disappointment Sex Temptation Discontentment Mark and I have faced all of these at various times in our marriage, but one area we have really had to watch out for is busyness. I had hoped we wouldn’t have to deal with that at this point in our lives since it was such an issue to work through during the hectic years of child-rearing. But …

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Marriage

Why Spouses Don’t Listen and What You Can Do About It

Are you a good listener? If so, I applaud you. I have to admit that the skill of listening well does not come naturally to me. I’m a gifted talker! I enjoy sharing what’s on my heart and speaking what’s on my mind, which has its place, but listening? That can be hard for me. We all know that communication is absolutely critical in the marriage relationship. Without effective communication, marriages can quickly tear apart. My very talkative husband and I have had to work on this a lot over the years. We both have so many important things to say, especially in emotional or heated moments, and we can forget that listening is a necessary component of communication! Here’s my problem: Mark is ridiculously smart, and he’s awesome at speaking logically and persuasively. Guess that’s what I should have expected when I married a lawyer! Sometimes, I feel like I need a little extra time to figure out how to make my point of view sound just as compelling as his, so I stop listening to what he’s saying and focus on what I want to say next to counter his point. When I do that, I may miss …

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Marriage

Marriage Killers and How to Slay Them

Early on in our marriage, our biggest issue was criticism. Mark thought it would be very helpful of him to point out all of the ways I could do things better, more like him. He is now quick to admit that he tends to have a bit of a critical attitude, but he didn’t realize it at the time. He honestly thought he was just helping me! But as someone who needs affirmation and thrives on compliments, I interpreted his “helpfulness” as constant criticism. His efforts to “improve me” and his idea of how I needed to improve changed from week to week. As a pleaser, unable to please him, I became very discouraged. Over time, I began to despair that I would never meet his expectations and almost gave up trying. It took several years of this before we went to a marriage counselor. She opened Mark’s eyes to the fact that what attracted him to me was that I was different. I was the fun, creative, light-hearted balance to his serious, disciplined, determined personality. And that the woman he was trying to make me was not what he needed, nor wanted! When marriages fall apart, people tend to …

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