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There is a message, in this video, for you and for me. It made me cry. But not out of despair, because this can be remedied in every family today. This is a simple parenting task that has a profound impact on our children.
Read Post →I hear it from moms everywhere I go, I’m just not a good mom. No matter how hard I try, I am not the mom I want to be. I messed up again, today. I know how you feel. There were many days, especially when my children were toddlers and teens, that I felt like I had missed the mark. But as my children have gotten older — I’ve gained perspective. I have learned from hindsight and I want to impart an important truth–mom guilt has come to steal, kill, and destroy your joy. Fight it. Fight the mom guilt with everything you have. Looking back I realize I wasted a lot of time and energy on guilt. I am hoping you won’t waste a second on it. Here is what I learned late in the game — 3 ways to fight mom guilt: Connect…touch, talk, play. At the end of every day, without my permission, my mind takes an inventory of the day, things like, “Dishes/laundry/house–check. Homework/lunches/uniforms–check. Work/emails/bills–check. Etc/etc/etc–check.” I usually check out ok and then my mind would light on the faces of my kids. Hmm, I would pause and rerun the day. With five kids …
Read Post →“Here you go again…” “Maybe if you didn’t always…” “Let’s not forget it was you who…” These are scripts of unforgiveness that inflamed many an otherwise common argument in my marriage. The phrases were hot coals left smoldering from past unforgiveness. While small statements, they packed such heat that when thrust into an argument the fire invariably burned and wounded the relationship far more than the initial argument warranted. There have been times Mark and I have hurt each other deeply in our marriage. Hurt is to be expected in all relationships—we are fallen creatures. What gives relational hurt power is failing to forgive the perpetrator. Mark and I realized we had to forgive past hurts and stop using the scripts that set every argument ablaze. Had we allowed unforgiveness to persist and bitterness to take root, our marriage could’ve ended long ago. We had a choice and so do you. You have to make the choice not to allow that, and make the only right choice — to forgive. To make that choice you have to learn what I did. I learned that… Forgiveness is not a feeling. When I feel justified, angry, or vengeful I want to hold on to …
Read Post →Every picture on Instagram tells a story about life. Or does it? Recently, we were on a family ski vacation in Park City, Utah. It was gorgeous, and especially so to us because we live in Florida sans snow, mountains, and views of anything but water. Being an early bird who relishes quiet morning moments with God and coffee, I was enjoying our pristine panoramic view by a roaring fire when two sleepy beauties approached with their coffee and plopped themselves onto the hearth. Inspired by the winter coziness, they decided to capture the “insta” moment. “Mom, will you take a picture of us?” The quiet was shattered. I took the phone in my hand as they positioned themselves. I snapped four pictures, submitted them for approval and waited. Approval was denied. They readjusted positions, coffee in hands. I took four more. Again approval denied. More adjustments, more pictures. Finally, I said, “Girls, you were inspired by the coziness of the moment but in your desire to capture the moment for Instagram, you have lost it. This is a posed moment. And it has stolen the real one you so enjoyed.” The “Insta-life” is what I call a life lived for the …
Read Post →Money is the last thing I want to think about if I feel my child needs something. Looking back at how I spent money it is clear I wasn’t thinking. I did not go crazy and send us into debt, nor was I selfish because we always gave generously, at least ten percent to ministry. However, I certainly did not save as I should have and that was my money mistake. I wish I knew then what I know now. Most of the spending in my family is in my hands. So I had a major say in our family’s long-term financial plans. Which is the point I am getting to–the long-term plans. I did not have one. It seemed too complicated to figure out at the moment. I deferred planning assuming I would take care of that in the future. Why? Because I had a serious misconception about how to think about money until I read: “A part of all you earn is yours to keep. It should be not less than a tenth no matter how little you earn. Pay yourself first.” ~ George Clason This quote is from George Clason’s classic 1926 book The Richest Man in Babylon, a …
Read Post →I have a friend whose life hasn’t turned out the way she thought it would. In some ways it’s better than she ever hoped for — she has two wonderful children, a beautiful home, and she married a good man. But then there are the things that haven’t turned out the way she envisioned — she doesn’t have financial security, she still battles emotional issues she thought she’d outgrow, and her marriage is more up and down than she’d like. She’s having trouble dealing with disappointment. I think a lot of us are like my friend. We have much we’re thankful for, but most of us have unfulfilled dreams or unmet expectations. Once we admit that, it’s time to face those disappointments and frustrations head on. If we don’t, frustration left to itself leads to bitterness. Bitterness over time leads to despair. Despair leads to a dark place where, ultimately, we lose our vision. And as we know from Proverbs, where there is no vision the people perish. No vision, no joy. I call this cycle the… “Frustration Formula”. UNMET EXPECTATIONS > FRUSTRATION > BITTERNESS > DESPAIR > UNCLEAR VISION So it’s obvious that when we have frustrations, we need …
Read Post →I’m not often an introspective person. I would rather be doing than sitting around contemplating things. I’ve always been a girl of action! The downside of being quick to action is that I have been known to act and speak before I think. The upside is that I am someone who looks ahead, takes leaps of faith, lives in the present, and anticipates the future. But after making it through one of the craziest years of my life, I think a little bit of introspection could be good for me. In looking back, how should I be moving forward?
Read Post →“For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God. So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.” 2 Corinthians 4:15-16 Today, I thank God for you. I am filled with gratitude that you are seeking to be a better mom. I am humbled that you are reading these words. I am awed that you have found encouragement or hope or help from the lessons I have learned through my personal experiences, both good and bad. This past year has had more hardships than I expected and more goodness than I deserve. There have been times of overwhelming exhaustion and physical weakness. There have been moments of perfect joy and unbelievable happiness. Tears, laughter, silence, despair, hope, anger, desperation, determination, peace. I am learning that when I am weak, the God of the universe is strong. When my body is exhausted, my soul is held by my Savior. When I am a vessel for Him, He uses me to extend His grace. That is what I am grateful for today. I …
Read Post →Guest Post By: Lisa Appelo I usually love Christmastime. The smell of a Douglas fir in the living room and holiday music on the radio are wonderful. I love all the baking and cooking of Christmas and shopping for that one present that I know will bring a wide grin to my child. But six years ago, we were facing a very painful Christmas. Six months earlier, my husband, Dan, and the amazing father to our seven children, had suffered a sudden heart attack and died. Life had been in a tailspin, and we entered the Christmas season with eight broken hearts. I knew that getting through every first without him would be hard and I needed to be very intentional about that first Christmas. What do you do when the holidays hurt? When someone you love is missing at the table or life has taken a sudden painful turn? While every family will deal with difficulty a bit differently, here are three things we did to help us through that hard, sad Christmas. Mix it up. Don’t ignore the pain. It’s unhealthy to push through the holidays with a façade of happiness. There were certainly parts of that first Christmas …
Read Post →I confess that I am by nature a messy. However, I am also highly productive. Being messy and productive is like having two beasts at war within. You see, I love to take on lots of creative challenges which can lead to jumping from one thing to the next. And jumping creates a messiness; messy drawers, messy closets, messy desk, messy car, messy purse… An overall disorganization can set in that creates a huge roadblock to my productivity. It took time, but I had to learn (and am still learning) how to find a messy balance. In Defense of Creative Messies “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” ~Albert Einstein Apparently Steve Jobs, Albert Einstein, and Mark Twain all had very messy desks. Messiness is a sign of creativity! Several studies, including by the University of Minnesota found that messy people are more prone to be creative and risk-takers, people who are neater tend to follow rules and are more likely to avoid new things and risks. They concluded that disorderly environments seem to inspire fresh insights. I am disorderly! But in defense of the messies, it is …
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