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From Susan Merrill

The Blog

Marriage

Confessions: I Killed The Date Night

I stand before you a humble, convicted date night killer. Nine times out of ten, if the date goes into sudden death, it was my fault. I have no excuse. It is a simple two-count misdemeanor so deceptively innocent that it can snuff out a date faster than a baby can spit up on a silk blouse. Misdemeanor #1 – a wrong attitude I am on the date with my husband who, by the way, is totally focused on me, desiring only to wine, dine and romance his wife into his arms and, later, into the bedroom. Did I mention that he is totally focused on me? I emphasize because my misdemeanor is the antithesis – I am not focused on him. In fact,

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Parenting

To Quit Or Not To Quit?

Ah, now that is the mom question of the decade! In the last ten to twenty years, there has been an explosion of extra-curricular activities. And it is a multidimensional, 3-D explosion. There are now a million types of activities, offered for more ages and with an alarmingly intense level of competition. It’s enough to intimidate Rocky Balboa. That being said, some kids love it. That being said, some kids don’t. You don’t want your child to be a quitter but, on the other hand, you don’t want to force something that will cause your child regret. We floundered around

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Marriage

Conflict! Rate It To Resolve It

We are strong-willed people, my husband and I. And we are not timid about sharing our opinions. So, when Gary Oliver taught us the Rate It Method for resolving conflict, it was a game changer in the Merrill household. (click to tweet) Gary Oliver is not just a psychologist, he is a man with a wife and children. He knows how things go down in a house full of personality. The big difference is he is a Doctor who knows how to study a family dynamic and form solutions for relational optimization (we obviously don’t)! Gary’s theory is that there is a lot of misunderstanding that usually precedes an argument and if you can head that off you will douse the flames before they ignite. Here is how it works…

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Encouragement

The Elusive Quiet Time

It is a mystery to some and as easy as breathing to others. It can be a life long struggle or life saving comfort. My experience with the illusive quiet time has been…a rocky road. In the beginning I spent several years grappling with a nagging feeling that I just wasn’t quite doing it right. I was inconsistent in my timing, unsure of my content and often discouraged. I couldn’t find the peace and love for it that so many of my more mature acquaintances boasted about. The overachiever in me was frustrated.

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Encouragement

Wanna Be: Like My Friend, She’s Crazy

This is my crazy friend. Her name is Leland and I love her because she makes me laugh. All the time. Every time I run into this woman she’s very seriously doing something crazy. The funny thing is she doesn’t think it’s crazy and that really makes me laugh. Her boys think it’s crazy, but she doesn’t. Her husband thinks it’s crazy, but she doesn’t. Here is an example of the latest crazy day in the life of Leland. We volunteer together for our boys high school football team. Last Friday we were preparing the pre-game meal for the players in the school cafeteria and Leland showed up to serve with a box that she had to plug into an outlet. “Susan, Susan,” she calls, “come look at my babies. I rescued them.” She anxiously unfolded a flannel blanket, as if she were unwrapping a sixteenth century Ming vase, to expose three tiny squirrels, eyes clamped shut, looking for all the world, like scrawny little ….

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Parenting

Does Your Child Know How to Work?

At an appointment this summer, the doctor, being polite, asked my Emily what she was doing on her time off from school. She launched into a dissertation of sorts on her activities – a job at J Crew, some babysitting, two classes at the community college, etc, etc. The doctor, rather surprised at the list, looked at me and said, “How do you get her to do all that?” I must of looked rather baffled because I didn’t know what she meant. She clarified and it dawned on me that my daughter is hard working. I didn’t “get” her to do anything.

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Parenting

Does Your Child Need A Friend?

If only my child had one good friend… Ahhh, how many times I have thought this! A good friend, a really good friend – is worth their weight in gold—a childhood friend that is loyal in the face of peer pressure, like-minded in values, kind and thoughtful, and… I could go on and on. My oldest has that kind of friendship. It began in pre-k and has survived twenty years of peer-pressure, puberty, boyfriends, and separation in different colleges. At the other end of the spectrum, one of my children had only one good friend. Unfortunately, while the friendship did not end, they grew apart. When they were halfway through high school they took different paths. Most of the kids she knew took the same path as her friend. My daughter was busy, involved but relationally lonely. There may be times in your child’s life when your child needs a friend but friends are not an option. Your child may not be able to find a good friend or your child may find one that is not a wise or healthy choice. Don’t leave them to suffer through it. There are a few things you can do: Help Your …

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