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From Susan Merrill

The Blog

Encouragement

Is Your Child Becoming Your Identical?

When I’m with my husband, I strive to be a good wife. When I’m with my kids, I strive to be a good mom. When I’m at work, I strive to be a good boss. But in those few moments I have alone, I start to wonder what makes me me. And I can’t help thinking, “Who am I? Am I spending my whole life people pleasing?” In the new movie, The Identical, I watched a young man struggle with the very same question. On the one hand, his father is pushing him to follow in his footsteps in ministry (I followed in my dads–banking). On the other hand, the son can’t shake the feeling deep in his bones that he needs to make music (I changed careers after just 3 years). My dad didn’t really try to make me an identical. He wouldn’t have knowingly wanted that. But sometimes it just happens, we direct our children in the path we want them to go. No matter what season of life we find ourselves in, it’s always a struggle to know who we truly are. So here are 2 steps to take to find your identity and be able to …

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Parenting

Finding Joy in the Chaos

“Life is about finding the joy in the chaos and the crazy.” -Sondra to Ally, Moms’ Night Out What happens when moms are swallowed up into the chaos of life? They (or at least I) go bonkers! Funny? Only in hindsight. My life becomes messy when I can’t control the circumstances my family is in and I start reacting in an often unbecoming way. Then I get discouraged with myself and spiral downward into dejected despair. Finding joy in the chaos of motherhood is the antecedent to despair. Twice since I saw the movie Moms’ Night Out I have had to sit myself down and have a Sondra to Ally talk. We all need a Sondra in our life to remind us, in the midst of our trials, that the goal is not just to survive the chaos in parenting but to find joy in it! So if, like me, you tend to get a little bonkers from time to time, here is my take on how to find light in the darkness, excitement in the ordinary, and joy in the chaos: 1. Find Light in the Darkness. We often forget that we are all in this together—a big team of moms! …

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Marriage

Recipe for a Great Marriage

Flour on my forehead and egg yolk on my elbow. A splash of milk on my cheek and a tiny bit of sugar on the tip of my nose. I don’t know about you, but this is what I sometimes look like when I cook. In the midst of craziness, I love learning what ingredients go well together, learning how much is too much, and even learning how to change a recipe up to suit my tastes. It can be messy, but it’s fun to experiment. In the same way, marriage takes lots of messy practice, patience, and perseverance. So, after 25 years of experience, here is my recipe for a great marriage. 1. Know the Ingredients that Work in Your Marriage Every recipe and every marriage requires different ingredients. And knowing where to start means knowing your spouse. Know what makes him smile, know what sets him off. Know what most encourages him, and know what makes him insecure. Once you understand your spouse and his love language, you’ll be an expert at creating a great marriage. 2. Add Some Spice to Your Recipe for Marriage People often think that being with one person their whole life will end up …

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Encouragement

9 Habits for a Happy Home

Thinking about everything I’ve got to get done today makes my head spin. And spinning stresses me out. There are a million things that seem to be pulling me in a million different directions—from work to friends to keeping track of the kids and their needs… It’s overwhelming! And that is not what I want. I want to have a happy home. And I’m sure a lot of you feel the same. But before we go crazy with all the things that need to get done before our heads hit the pillow tonight, maybe it’s time to stop the spinning and make sure we have a few happy habits in place. The kind that will keep us focused on joy in all the crazy. Hold your child and husband every chance you get. Answer every child’s “MOM!” as if an angel was calling for you. Pray daily, hourly, every second if necessary. Push every negative thought into the disposal and turn it on. Yearn for now, appreciate this stage of your child’s life. Have Sunday Supper together in your kitchen with your family. Order your days efficiently so that you have time to play. Maintain peace and forgive daily. …

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Encouragement

3 Ways to Boost Your Bandwidth

When my husband Mark is frustrated, it’s written all over his face. And if I can’t see it in his face, I can hear it in his tone. That’s the way if went down last night. He was frustrated with the internet speed on his laptop and…it wasn’t the first time. “Susan…” he began, “You’re eating up all the bandwidth on our Wi-Fi!” I looked over at my laptop and realized he was right. I had two different search engines up: Google Chrome and Safari. Plus, between Pinterest, Facebook, emails, and a various array of other tabs, I had more internet windows up than I could count! Oops. Right away, I got frustrated. Why do I always forget to close windows? Why do I never have enough bandwidth on my internet? How much does it cost to boost your bandwidth? Why does it always cost more? Then, I stopped. It wasn’t just my laptop that needed more bandwidth–IT WAS MY LIFE! I realized that I could ask those same questions about my life in general. I don’t ever seem to have enough bandwidth in my brain. Lately, I am constantly running out of time and energy. So if you’re ready …

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Parenting

How to Divert Your Kids When Headed for Trouble

It doesn’t matter how old or young your child is, they can run into trouble. The problem is that kids have easy access to trouble. The online world leads to activities and people that they normally wouldn’t be exposed to. I have 5 kids all within 6 years of each other, so I know lots of kids and lots of parents. I have noticed that there are paths that lead a child down the slippery slope to trouble and that some parents learn how to head it off with a detour! It’s a great trick that every parent can use to divert your kids when headed for trouble. Examples say it all. Below are three ways you can turn a child headed for trouble. But first, one overriding tip for all three–find a few “Parenting Wingmen!” In the air force, a wingman is a pilot that flies just behind the right wing of the lead aircraft in a flight formation, in order to provide protective support. Every parent today needs a few wingmen! These are relatives, friends, and other parents who can help provide protective support for your kids. Your mom, for example, might be a great wingman for you. …

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Marriage

What to Do When You Don’t Feel Like Having Sex

What do you do if you don’t feel like sex as often as your husband would like? This is a question I have been often asked with an expression of guilt. What most women don’t know is that this is normal. Men physiologically tend to desire sex more than women. According to WebMD and University of Chicago Professor Edward O. Laumann, there are several differences in the sex drive of a man and a woman. They are: Men think about sex more. Men seek sex more avidly. Women’s sexual turn-ons are more complicated than men’s. Women’s sex drives are more influenced by social and cultural factors. Women take a less direct route to sexual satisfaction. Women experience orgasms differently than men. Women’s libidos seem to be less responsive to drugs than men. No surprises. But I would add one: 8. Children are more of a distraction to women than men. I have 5 kids so I think I am 5 times more distracted! And there are times when I just don’t want to have sex. But…I love my husband first, most, and forever. That is a reality I need to remind myself of–I love Mark first, more than the …

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Marriage

I Married a Porcupine

I learned the truth years ago: I am married to a self-proclaimed porcupine and he admits it. Of course, Mark is a great husband and most often fun to be around. But, there are definitely moments when his resemblance to a porcupine is overwhelming (and quite hysterical!). Well, let me clarify that—it is hysterical after the fact. It actually can be painfully prickly in the moment. For those of you who don’t know much about this little animal, let me fill you in. What makes them so unique is their armor of sharp quills and how they use them when they react to other animals. Let me get to the point—Mark is the porcupine and I am a totally different animal, in more ways than one. We are about as opposite as you can get on the communication spectrum. I am married to Mr. Wordsmith and I am not detailed in my expressiveness. I am very open and quick to say what’s on my mind. The result: I tend to put his quills on end with my words. Ouch! I can’t tell you how many times I have wished within seconds of finishing a sentence that I could suck every …

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Encouragement

How to Stop Missing Miracles

When my kids were young, we lived in a small house Mark had bought when he was single. Each day when I’d take the kids in the yard to play and ride bikes, I’d worry because there was no sidewalk separating them from a busy road. This may seem like a silly thing, but I began praying for God to give us a house with a sidewalk. Soon enough, I saw our dream house. In a nearby neighborhood, I just happened to drive by a beautiful older house on a corner surrounded on two sides with…the perfect sidewalk. That day my prayer changed from desiring a house with a sidewalk to asking God for THE house with THE sidewalk. It wasn’t long before I felt God urging me to stop and introduce myself to whomever was living in the house of my dreams. And knowing God’s sense of humor, I shouldn’t have been surprised when this tug came on the day I was wearing a crazy safari outfit from being a part of our church’s Vacation Bible School. I uncomfortably rang the doorbell in my bandana, khakis, and big ol’ boots to find a lovely older couple on the other …

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Parenting

Teaching Your Kids Self-Control

Self-control is tough at every age (I know that’s true!), but it’s especially hard for children. Still, there are ways we can teach it to our kids, and it’s important that we try. In fact, one research study that I find fascinating, makes that point loud and clear.

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